


First Time

by TiffanyF



Category: CSI: Miami, CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-27 23:50:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 41,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyF/pseuds/TiffanyF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is yet another way that Horatio Caine and Mac Taylor could have started a relationship when Horatio went north chasing a killer. Slight spoilers for MIA-NYC Nonstop. I don't own anything you recognize and am only playing around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this to see if maybe I can come up with a new idea. This story has been a dead end for years now. Please do be patient with me, and let me know if you like it.

Mac heard the floor creek behind him and glanced back. And almost fell flat on his ass. The sun had come out and was shining through the window casting a halo of light around the other man. He had vibrant red hair, pale but obviously freckled skin and dark sunglasses hiding his eyes. The man was wearing a plain white dress shirt, gray slacks and a long black coat. A badge, ID card and gun were on his black belt. Mac finally found his voice. “Can I help you?”

“My name is Caine, Miami, CSI. I’m investigating a double murder case.” 

He took off his sunglasses and Mac was instantly taken with the other man’s blue eyes. “Detective Mac Taylor, Crime Scene Unit First Grade; I’m listening.” And he was. Mac was absorbing every word spoken in that deep, calm voice.

He knew that he was lost, that he had to make a move at some point. And it was petty of him but Mac was mad when Danny walked in and took Caine’s attention away. What was wrong with him? Mac had only laid eyes on the Miami CSI half an hour ago and now he was acting like a jealous lover. He growled to himself. It was going to be a long case.  
********************

It didn’t take much to convince Horatio to join him for dinner that night. As they talked the two men found they had a lot in common and it only strengthened the bonds of friendship that had started to grow at the initial crime scene.

It took a little more effort to convince Horatio to go back to his apartment for a drink. Mac wondered if the other man had picked up on his more carnal interest and didn’t know how to tell Mac he wasn’t interested.

“Are you okay, Horatio?” Mac asked as he settled at the other end of the sofa, drink in hand. “You seem awfully tense all of a sudden.”

“I’m fine,” Horatio replied not meeting Mac’s eyes.

Mac chuckled. “Do you want to try that again, Lieutenant?” he teased. “Because right now I seriously doubt you’d convince a trainee.”

“That obvious, huh?” Horatio grinned. “Would you believe me if I said it was embarrassing?”

“As you’re looking me in the eye this time, yes,” Mac smiled. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, its okay,” Horatio said. He took a deep breath. “I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve never had a drink with a friend after a rather good supper?”

“Don’t tease, Mac, please,” Horatio said. He set his glass down on the coffee table and buried his face in his hands.

Mac put his drink down as well and shifted closer, putting a hand on Horatio’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Horatio,” he said. “So what have you done with men or women?”

“That’s just it, Mac, I haven’t,” Horatio said his voice muffled. “I never had time when I was a kid and then I just dedicated myself to the job.”

“No one caught your eye?”

“One of twice but I didn’t think they’d want me because I don’t have experience,” Horatio admitted. “And I was afraid they’d laugh at me.”

“You’ve jerked off though?” Mac asked almost afraid to hear the answer.

Horatio shrugged. “It’s never done much for me.”

The older man was flummoxed. When he’d pictured himself with Horatio it wasn’t in the role of a teacher. But the idea wasn’t repellant. In fact the thought that Horatio had never been touched was very, very arousing. He shifted a little trying to relieve the pressure on his growing erection. Then he reached out and pulled Horatio’s hand away from his face. “Tell me if I go too far,” he said softly.

Horatio’s wonderful blue eyes widened in shock as Mac leaned in, closing the distance between them, and pressed their lips together. He felt his eyes close as Mac’s soft but dry lips caressed and rubbed over his. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do with his hands and finally settled for leaving them where they were; in his lap encased by Mac’s.

A slick wetness against his lips startled him and Horatio pulled back with a gasp. “Mac?”

“Shh, its okay, Horatio,” Mac whispered roughly. “Just let me teach you what to do. Let me love you.”

“Don’t we have to be in bed?” Horatio asked a little puzzled.

“It’s not a requirement but we can if you’d be more comfortable,” Mac said.

“I’m honestly not sure,” Horatio replied. “Do we have to get undressed?”

Mac grinned and stood, watching as Horatio’s eyes widened when he caught sight of the erection bulging behind Mac’s zipper. “I’d rather not have shoes in my bed but everything else can stay on if you want.”

Horatio reached out towards Mac and let his hand drop suddenly. Mac grabbed Horatio’s left hand, kissed the palm and slowly guided it to his erection. He expected Horatio to pull away and moaned softly when he felt tentative fingers on him. He watched Horatio’s face for any signs of discomfort or panic as the fingers grew bolder in their exploration.

The red head jerked back when Mac’s hips moved. “Sorry,” he said looking down.

“For what?” Mac asked. He pulled Horatio to his feet, attached his mouth to his lover’s neck and started to guide them towards the bedroom.

“Being so jumpy,” Horatio replied. “I want this, I do, but it’s so new.”

Mac pushed Horatio up against the hall wall and pressed their cloth-covered erections together. Horatio’s eyes closed as Mac thrust slowly against him. “We’ll just have to do this enough that the jumpiness vanishes,” he purred. Mac attacked Horatio’s mouth, tongue slipping in when the red head gasped. He knew his best option at that point was to get Horatio so lost on arousal that his nerves vanished. It took a little effort and coordination but Mac eventually got his hips and tongue thrusting at the same time.

Horatio’s hands had attached to Mac’s hips but started a slow journey up Mac’s back and then just as slowly back down bypassing his hips and cupping his ass, pulling him in closer. Mac moaned into Horatio’s mouth as the speed of his thrusts increased until he felt Horatio stiffen against him and knew his new lover had just climaxed.

“Horatio?”

“It’s never been like that,” Horatio panted, his body shuddering gently. “I want to learn more.”

“Come here,” Mac said pulling Horatio in for another kiss, tongue skillfully opening Horatio’s lips and exploring his mouth. He moaned when he felt Horatio’s tongue tentatively brush up against his own. He ran his hands up into Horatio’s red hair and held his head in place as he deepened and took control of the kiss.

When they finally broke apart for air Mac pulled Horatio down the hall to his bedroom. “Tell me when you get uncomfortable, H,” Mac said. “And I promise to stop then and there.”

“I trust you,” Horatio smiled.

Mac leaned in and started another deep kiss. He slowly ghosted his fingers up Horatio’s arms and across to his chest. One by one he eased the white buttons through the button holes and pushed the shirt off and it fell to the floor.

“A black t-shirt under a white dress shirt?” Mac asked as he kissed and nipped along Horatio’s jaw and neck.

“It helps keep me from getting sunburned,” Horatio managed to gasp. He could feel his body starting to respond again and wasn’t sure but thought that men in their mid-40s couldn’t get hard again so fast without some kind of drug.

“On or off?” Mac asked. His hands were up under the shirt and he caught his lover’s shiver.

“Will you take yours off too?”

In reply Mac quickly undid his blue dress shirt and dropped it along with his white tank top to the floor. Horatio reached out and touched the scar over Mac’s heart. “What happened?”

“The Beirut bombing in 1983,” Mac said.

“I’m sorry.”

“We lost good men that day.” Mac’s hand covered Horatio’s and squeezed. “How do you feel about taking off your t-shirt?”

“Why do I suspect you have plans for me?” Horatio asked. He pulled off the shirt and let it fall to the floor. “Now what?”

“Kick off your shoes and climb on the bed.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I want to spend some time tasting you,” Mac replied. “And see if I can work out your hot spots. Ultimately I’d love to have us both naked by the end of the night but it doesn’t have to happen.”

Horatio shifted. “These slacks are getting a little uncomfortable,” he said.

“In that case let me get you a washcloth, you get cleaned up and under the covers,” Mac said. “Then I’ll join you.”

One he was in the hall waiting for Horatio to call him back in, Mac’s erection made itself known with feeling. He undid his black slacks and let them fall to the floor and took off his socks. Mac knew there was no way he’d be able to get Horatio to relax enough to get inside him but Mac didn’t mind being on the receiving end and just hoped Horatio would last long enough to get that far.

“Mac,” Horatio called softly from the bedroom.

The dark-haired detective went back in and paused at the sight of Horatio in his bed, covers around his waist, staring at him. “How are you feeling, H?”

“Nervous,” Horatio replied his eyes locked on Mac’s boxer shorts.

“Do you want to stop?” Mac asked. He crawled onto the bed and knelt next to Horatio’s right hip. 

“No,” Horatio said, swallowing hard. 

Mac reached out and ran his hands along Horatio’s bare chest watching his lover’s face the whole time. Horatio’s eyes fluttered closed and he forced them open only to have them close again. Mac grinned and leaned in to kiss Horatio gently, swallowing the red head’s moan as he deepened the kiss. Horatio’s tongue was a little bolder this time and Mac lured it into his mouth, groaning as Horatio slowly explored. He shifted his weight a little so he could run his right hand down to Horatio’s peaked nipple and played with it gently. Horatio’s back arched up a little and he broke out of the kiss with a gasp. Mac grinned and latched onto Horatio’s jaw, kissed along to his ear and spent several minutes licking and sucking Horatio’s right ear while still pinching and rolling his nipple and then started a slow journey south. He found a small hot spot at the base of Horatio’s neck where it joined his shoulder and Mac bit down, not hard enough to bruise, but enough to mark it for an hour or so. By this time Horatio’s hands were clutching the covers tightly and his body was tense.

“Are you doing okay?” Mac asked softly, nipping along Horatio’s collar bone.

“Yeah,” Horatio panted in reply. He cried out when Mac’s mouth found a nipple and closed on it, sucking and then biting gently. Mac spent some time working on Horatio’s nipples before he pulled back and looked down at his now flushed and gasping lover.

“Do you want more?”

“What, what do you have in mind?” Horatio asked trying to get his breath back.  
In reply Mac reached into his bedside table and pulled out some lube and a condom. The color drained out of Horatio’s face and he pulled the covers up as if he was trying to hide under them. “Hey,” Mac said. “Hey, let me explain what I’m thinking here.”

“Okay,” Horatio said, the blankets almost up to his chin.

“This is going to go on you,” Mac said holding up the foil packet. “And then I’ll show you how to use the lube to get me ready and then, if you’re up to it, you’ll get to slide slowly into my body and make love with me. How does that sound?”

“Like I could seriously hurt you,” Horatio replied. But his hands loosened a little on the covers.

“Only if we try to move too fast,” Mac said. “Come on, let me have the covers, Horatio. We can’t do anything if they stay where they are.”

“What about you?”

“Do you want me to take off my boxers first?” Mac asked.

“Please.”

Mac smiled, leaned in to kiss Horatio again deeply and pulled back. He left the lube and foil packet on the bed next to Horatio’s pillow and stood up slowly. Mac eased out of the boxers and dropped them to the floor, keeping an eye on Horatio’s face the whole time. He’d hoped that, by the time they were in bed with nothing between them, that his lover would have relaxed a little more but it didn’t seem like he was going to. Mac sighed softly to himself and settled back onto the bed, gently easing the covers out of Horatio’s hands and down until they were on the floor at the foot of the bed. Then, with a small smile, he leaned in and licked the head of Horatio’s erection, hands only just managing to grab Horatio’s hips as they thrust up towards the warm, wet heat. Mac spent a few minutes licking and teasing Horatio before he opened his mouth and carefully took the head in, sucking gently.

“Mac,” Horatio groaned, his eyes dropping closed as his head fell back on the pillow. “So good.”

Mac knew that Horatio wouldn’t last long if he overdid on the stimulation and he really, really wanted to feel his lover in him. So after far too short a time, in both their minds, he pulled back and reached for the condom and lube. Horatio managed to force his eyes open just as he felt the latex being smoothed over him.

“Watch, H,” Mac said. He warmed some of the lube on his hands and then reached around and slid two fingers into his ass, pausing only for a moment to adjust to the angle rather than the penetration. Mac cracked his eyes open and saw that Horatio’s eyes were glued to his hand as he started to move and stretch his body getting ready for Horatio’s cock. After a couple of minutes he pulled his fingers out, added more lube and slid three fingers back in, moaning at the sensation thinking about how good Horatio would feel in him.

“Are you ready?” Mac asked.

Horatio nodded, swallowing hard. Mac smiled, reached for the lube again and carefully slicked Horatio’s erection. The he straddled Horatio’s hips, leaned in and kissed him before sitting up and slowly impaling himself on Horatio’s cock. Mac moved slowly, both to give his body time to adjust to the intrusion but also to be sure that Horatio would last long enough to get them both to the peak of pleasure.

“Mac,” Horatio moaned deep in his throat. His hands went to Mac’s hips and gripped tightly. After what seemed like an eternity to him, Mac stilled, hands braced on Horatio’s shoulders. “So good.”

The older man moaned his agreement and lifted up just as slowly before dropping down, Horatio’s hands helping his movements. Mac moved a few more times and then stilled. “We need to shift me onto my back, Horatio,” he said. 

“How?” Horatio asked.

“Up, out, off, over and back in,” Mac replied. “And then you’re in control.”

It took some coordination that Mac was a little surprised they both had at that point and he groaned as Horatio slid back into him. “Change the angle of your thrusts,” he panted as Horatio started moving. “You’re searching for, yes!” 

Horatio leaned down and initiated a deep kiss between them for the first time. Mac’s hands tangled in Horatio’s red hair again as his tongue slid against Horatio’s and his legs wrapped up around his lover’s hips, the change in angle allowing Horatio to slide in deeper.

“I’m not going to last,” Horatio panted in-between kisses.

“Come for me, Horatio,” Mac replied. He slid a hand between their bodies and wrapped a hand around his erection, stroking sharply. Horatio managed a couple more thrusts before his body seized up in a strong climax. Mac stroked himself a half dozen more times and came, the pleasure washing through his body.

“Horatio?” he asked.

“’m, okay,” a muffled voice replied against Mac’s neck.

It took some doing but Mac eventually managed to roll Horatio onto his back and stagger into the bathroom for another washcloth to clean them both up. Then he gathered up the blankets, curled up next to his lover and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A couple of months after they met in New York Mac flew down to Miami to visit Horatio. It was unusual for the red head to take any time off from the lab but there was a lull in the case load that let him be away from the lab for three days. He still wasn’t entirely sure why, after all the years alone, he’d finally opened up and allowed someone to get close to him, to love him and be loved in return, but Horatio felt at home with Mac. He loved him and, if it were possible, wanted to spend forever with him. But he didn’t know how that would be possible or even if he should ask Mac about it. Maybe he should just leave the situation alone and take what he could get.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Mac said running a hand along Horatio’s arm.

“I’m wondering about what’s going to happen,” Horatio admitted. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened in New York and my feelings and emotions from those nights we spent together.”

“Horatio, I wouldn’t have done anything if I didn’t feel deeply for you,” Mac said. “I loved you from the moment you stepped into my crime scene and the only thing I regret is that we live in two different cities and can’t be together more. I’d love to be able to see you every day, sleep next to you every night and be able to kiss you whenever I want.”

“What’s going to happen to us, Mac?” Horatio asked. “Can we survive this distance between us?”

Mac shifted around until he was straddling Horatio’s hips and leaned in for a deep kiss. “If we love each other as much as I think we do,” he said. “But there’s going to have to be a level of trust there too. I don’t want anyone else, Horatio. I just want you.”

“You’re all I could ever want, Mac,” Horatio said running a hand through Mac’s short brown hair. He pulled him in for another kiss. “And I’ve been reading. I want you to make love to me tonight. I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Horatio?” Mac asked. He pushed Horatio’s t-shirt off and ran his hands up and down his lover’s bare chest. “It’s a big step, one that shouldn’t be taken lightly.”

“I’m sure,” Horatio said. “I wouldn’t mention it if I didn’t trust you. And I love you.”

Mac smiled down at Horatio. “I love you too,” he said. “I love you so much.”

“Bed,” Horatio sighed as he nuzzled against Mac’s neck and chin.

“I’m going to take my time with you, relearn every inch of your body, and take you flying,” Mac promised.

The lovers managed to stand up still wrapped around each other, lips pressed together as tightly as their bodies as they moved slowly through the hall down to Horatio’s bedroom. The bed had been freshly made up with silk sheets and soft pillows and they fell onto the mattress still clinging together. Horatio rolled them until he was on his back with Mac over him, pressing him down into the bed. His hands roamed along Mac’s back, pushing up under his t-shirt searching for bare skin.

“You’re getting bolder,” Mac teased feathering kisses along Horatio’s freckled skin and down his neck. “I love you like this, H.”

“Mac,” Horatio moaned as Mac latched onto his neck just by his shoulder, sucking gently. “Will you strip for me, Mac? Can I see you naked, please?”

“Are you going to hide under the blankets again?” Mac asked. He kissed Horatio’s nose and moved back, off the bed. He pulled off his t-shirt and let it drop to the floor along with his slacks. “You’re blushing, Horatio Caine.”

“I guess I’m still just,” Horatio broke off and averted his eyes.

“Hey,” Mac said. He got back onto the bed and took Horatio’s chin in his hand. “Don’t be embarrassed, Horatio. I guess I forgot how little experience you have in here. You don’t ever have to be ashamed by what you’re feeling or what you want.”

“I’m sorry, Mac,” Horatio said. He looked down. “I guess I’m still just afraid that my insecurities will drive us apart and you’ll be sick of dealing with me.”

Mac kissed Horatio softly and reached down to run his hand along Horatio’s chest and stomach. He knew that Horatio was still really unsure of their relationship and it didn’t help that they were in two different cities. Mac wished that there was a way that he could prove his love to Horatio in a more perm ant way than loving touches and words but that was all he had to work with at that point. “Let me love you, Horatio,” Mac whispered. “Nothing will ever pull us apart; I love you too much to let that happen. And I’ll do everything in my power to prove it to you over and over again.” He leaned in and kissed Horatio gently, letting his less experienced lover take the lead. Mac moaned at the feel of Horatio’s tongue against his own. There wasn’t a reason that so simple an act should feel so erotic and make him so hard at the same time.

“I want to taste you, Horatio,” Mac whispered. 

“How?” Horatio asked.

“I’m going to suck you into my mouth, work you with my tongue and drink you dry,” Mac replied. “I’ve been dreaming about this since you came home. Will you let me do it?”

Horatio moaned in response as his hands fell down to his side on the bed. Mac grinned down at him, kissed his nose again and moved down until he was level with Horatio’s erection. He looked up and waited until Horatio was gazing down at him and then leaned in and licked the head of Horatio’s erection, pausing to savor the flavor of his lover. Horatio swallowed hard at the look of bliss on Mac’s face and let his eyes fall closed.

“No, H, look at me,” Mac said. “I want you to watch as I take you in my mouth and learn your taste. And I want to be able to see your eyes as I take you flying in a way you never have before.”

“Mac,” Horatio said softly. He reached out a shaky hand and tangled his fingers in Mac’s hair.

Mac grinned up at Horatio before he leaned down again and took just the head of Horatio’s now leaking erection in his mouth, being careful not to let his teeth get involved. It had been a while since he’d performed in such a manner but as he felt the weight on his tongue and the salty taste in his mouth it all came back to him. Mac moaned softly in the back of his throat, the vibrations traveling through Horatio’s cock directly to his brain and the pleasure center that was almost in overload. 

What he hadn’t shown Horatio was the lube that he’d slipped out of his pants pocket before he stripped. Mac slicked one of the fingers on his right hand and reached down to slowly slide it into Horatio’s body. Horatio cried out at the intrusion and his body tensed around the stroking digit. Mac pulled back and rubbed Horatio’s leg. “You need to relax, H,” he said. “You need to relax your body and let me in. Let me show you how good this can feel.”

“How?” Horatio panted.

“Trust me,” Mac said. “Focus on what my mouth is doing to you.”

“I’ll try,” Horatio said. His eyes closed as Mac’s mouth found his erection again and started sucking harder than he had before. This time he added his tongue to wrap around the cock in his mouth. As he felt Horatio’s body starting to relax he moved his finger back slowly and pressed it forward again. He knew that Horatio had asked to feel him in his body but if he couldn’t get his lover to relax around one finger there was no way he was even going to try and make love with him.

Horatio hadn’t been expecting the sensation of Mac’s finger in his body. It hurt more than he’d been thinking it would and he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to let Mac’s cock into his body. He trusted Mac and loved him but he was scared too. He was scared that Mac would get carried away and end up hurting him. 

He felt his back arch and he came, falling back on the bed as Mac continued to suckle him gently. “Mac,” Horatio finally moaned. 

Mac pulled back and crawled up Horatio’s body for a kiss. “Here, H,” he said. He rolled onto his side and took Horatio’s hand in his own and wrapped it around his erection. “Like this, Horatio.” He put his own hand over Horatio’s and showed him exactly how he liked to be stroked. His head fell back and his eyes closed as Horatio’s touch grew firmer and grew in confidence. Mac moaned softly as Horatio’s lips on his own and a tongue lapping at his lips. “Horatio,” he cried as he came.

“I’m sorry, Mac,” Horatio said as he buried his face against Mac’s neck.

“Don’t be, Horatio,” Mac said running his fingers through the red hair. “That’s a big step and not ever man enjoys it even if they’re in a gay relationship. I’m not going to force you into anything. When you’re comfortable we’ll go further. But for now this is enough for me. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mac,” Horatio whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Horatio stretched out on his bed and took out the book he had hidden under the mattress. He’d never kept anything hidden in his bedroom before, not even as a teen, so it seemed fairly strange to him that he was doing it now. And it wasn’t just a book. He’d been to see Artie and bought a small toy that his friend assured him would help get him ready for penetration. Horatio still hadn’t given up on feeling his lover inside his body but he was still very nervous about it. Hence the book and the toy. He’d be able to control everything and didn’t have to worry about being hurt. That was really Horatio’s ultimate fear, that his lover would lose control and inadvertently hurt him.

He knew that trust was the primary element that was required in their relationship not only because Horatio had next to no experience but because they were in two different cities and there was always a chance that something could happen.

He settled back against his pillows and opened the book. As he read Horatio’s hand traveled softly up and down his bare chest and stomach, his fingertips just ghosting over his skin. Ever since Mac had shown him how to awake the nerve endings in his body, Horatio had found that he enjoyed his own touch more. 

Horatio groaned when his phone rang. He didn’t have a choice but to answer as he was on call for the weekend. “Horatio,” he said.

“What would have done if it was work calling, Horatio?” Mac asked. “Because its really obvious in your tone what you were doing right before you answered the phone.”

“I was just thinking about you,” Horatio replied putting the book down.

“And what were you doing when you were thinking about me?”

“I was thinking that I still want to feel you in me,” Horatio said. “At least once, Mac. So when are we going to be able to get together again?”

“A couple weeks,” Mac sighed. “My case load just tripled for some reason. I’m blaming the weather at the moment but I’m sure there’s a more logical reason.”

“Let me guess, its been colder than hell for the past month and you’ve had a week of nice weather,” Horatio said. “And everyone has cabin fever.”

Mac laughed. “You hit it perfectly,” he said. “So I’m home and all alone on my sofa with an erection that’s just begging for a touch and my lover on the phone. What should we do about this?”

“You don’t want phone sex do you?” Horatio asked. He could feel the heat flushing through his body, more from embarrassment than arousal. But he also noticed that his erection hadn’t waned any.

“Why not?” Mac all but purred. “Would you like me to start, Horatio?”

“Please,” Horatio said. “I’m not sure exactly what I should say.”

“Just tell me what you want me to do to your body,” Mac said. “Okay, let’s see here. I can see you on the bed, Horatio, stretched out with your cock hard and dripping just for me. I’d start at your neck at that hot spot I found next to your collar bone. I’d spend some time just kissing and licking there and then bite down if you want me to mark you as mine. It’s so hot thinking about you wearing my mark for a couple of days. Then I’d kiss down your chest to your nipples and spend some time there kissing, licking and sucking until both of them are hard, red and wet.”

During the description Horatio found his hand mirroring Mac’s words and he moaned deeply as he pinched and rolled his left nipple. “Mac,” he said. “Want to feel you so badly.”

“Soon,” Mac promised. “Do you want me to go lower?”

“Please,” Horatio said.

“I love how your nipples taste, Horatio,” Mac said. “The sweat tang of your skin contrasted with the texture of your chest hair. I’d spend some time licking and sucking my way slowly down your stomach and just as I got close in to your cock I think I’d bypass it for the moment and spend some time on your legs.”

“Mac, don’t tease,” Horatio moaned. His hand wrapped around his cock and he started stroking it slowly, still developing the touch that felt the best to him.

“You want me to suck on your cock, Horatio?” Mac asked with an answering moan in his voice. 

“Now,” Horatio said. His hips pushed up into his hand and he took a chance. He found the lube on the bed, turned on the speaker phone, slicked both hands, returned one to stroking his cock and the other he trailed down and teased the entrance to his body. “Mac.”

“Are you getting close, H? Tell me what you’re doing?”

“Stroking my cock,” Horatio said. “Just like you taught me and it feels so good. I wish it was you doing it though.”

“I wish it was too,” Mac said. “Then I’d lick the head of your erection, holding your cock still and treat you like an ice cream cone, Horatio. I’d just lick and lap at you, teasing you and taking you higher. When you started moaning my name I’d take the head into my mouth and suck. I love the weight of your erection against my tongue as I move up and down your erection. I’m going to take my time working you slowly and as you get more and more turned on I’ll slick my finger and slide it slowly into your body. I want to be in you so badly, Horatio. Feel the tight heat of your body clenching down on me as I move in your body, taking you higher than you’ve ever gone before and when you climax your body is going to clamp down on mine and take me over the edge with you.”

Horatio moaned again at the pictures his lover was painting in his mind as the pleasure spiked through his body and he came with a loud cry of Mac’s name. Over the phone he could hear the answering cry as Mac climaxed as well.

“Let’s plan a weekend together next month,” Mac said when he could talk again. “A chance for the two of us to get out of our cities for a couple of days and just be together. How does that sound?”

“Like a plan,” Horatio sighed. “I miss you, Mac.”

“I miss you too,” Mac said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Horatio. Go to sleep now.”

“Okay, bye Mac,” Horatio said. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First,I started crying when I was writing this chapter.  
> Also....  
> This has been planned out this way from the start. You're going to get to learn more about Horatio's past and why he's still so innocent. Don't kill me, please.

Horatio had managed to wrap everything up at the lab sooner than he’d thought and decided to fly to New York to surprise his lover. When he got to the lab he signed in as a guest and went Mac hunting.

“Hey H,” Danny called when he saw the red head out in the halls. “What’s going on?”

“Hello, Danny,” Horatio said. “I’m looking for Mac, is he here?”

“Nah, he had to take off early,” Danny replied. “He got roped in to taking our ME to some function or another. Mac was griping about it ‘cause he had to wear a tux and he really don’t like those things.”

The red head laughed. “He doesn’t know I’m in town,” he said. “If Mac happens to come back tonight would you keep it a secret, please? I want to surprise him.”

“Yeah, you got it,” Danny said. “Are you gonna head to his place?”

“I am,” Horatio smiled. “Thanks, Danny.”

“Hey, any time.”  
********************

Mac had given Horatio a key to his apartment the last time they had spent the weekend together so Horatio let himself quietly into his lover’s apartment. He didn’t have to call out, there was only one soft light on in the hall and the home had a dead feel about it. There was no question in Horatio’s mind that his lover was sill out for the evening. So he relocked the door behind him and went into the living room to find something to read and settled into a chair in the far corner where he wouldn’t be immediately visible from the door. If he’d been a little more bold he would have stripped and settled into bed to wait for his lover’s return, but Horatio could feel the blush rising as he thought about it. It would be enough to surprise Mac from the chair in the living room.

Horatio got lost in the book he’d found on the coffee table, a new text on forensic anthropology by Dr. Bill Bass of the Body Farm, and jumped a little when he heard the key in the lock. He frowned when it sounded like it took several tries for the key to find the lock and wondered if Mac was all right. Horatio put the book down and had just started to stand when the door opened and Mac almost fell into the apartment. The reason for the fall soon became apparent as the door was kicked closed – Mac was wrapped around a dark-haired woman working to get her dress off as frantically as she was attempting to strip Mac of his tux. They vanished down the hall towards Mac’s bedroom and Horatio didn’t move until the door to that room was shut as well.

He wiped the tears from his eyes as he took Mac’s key off his key ring and set it carefully on top of the book on the coffee table. Horatio took a moment to make sure there was nothing out of place and left, closing the door silently behind him.  
********************

When Mac came out of the bedroom not fifteen minutes later he was embarrassed. He could hear movement behind him and sighed. “I’m sorry, Peyton.”

“It’s not your fault, Mac,” she said. “Everyone is entitled to an off night. Thank you for taking me to the dinner tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“Are you okay to get home?”

“I’ll be fine, Mac.”

Mac ran his hand through his hair and locked the door behind the ME. He wasn’t exactly sure what had happened. It was just supposed to be dinner and some boring function that she needed an escort for and ended up with them in his bed. And he couldn’t get hard, no matter what he tried. He decided on a shower after he changed the bed sheets to get rid of her perfume and then maybe he’d call Horatio.

Guilt washed through him at the thought of his innocent lover down in Miami. Mac hadn’t realized how much he loved the other man until he looked down at Peyton and saw brown eyes instead of twinkling blue. And he realized exactly what he was doing. He really needed to talk with his lover, to hear Horatio’s voice and get back on a more even keel.

A glint of metal caught Mac’s attention. He frowned as he sat down on the couch and looked at the key on the book. Mac was certain it hadn’t been there before he left for work that morning or when he came home to change into his tux. And the book had been moved too. It wasn’t on a subject just anyone would find interesting and Mac seriously doubted anyone would break into his apartment just to read a book on forensic anthropology. With a sinking heart Mac went to his front door and tried the key. It fit perfectly and turned the lock smoothly. There was only one other person who had a key to Mac’s apartment. It was Horatio.  
********************

When Horatio got back to his hotel room he finally let the tears he had been holding back fall. He hadn’t cried in years, not since his mother died, and he wiped them away as best he could. Then he pulled out his cell phone and called his best friend. “Tim.”

“Horatio, what’s wrong?” Speed asked. “Are you crying?”

“Yeah,” Horatio admitted with a sniffle. “I’m an idiot, Tim.”

“No you’re not. Now tell me what the hell happened and who I have to kill,” Speed growled. “Because they are so not getting away with this. Do you need me to come to New York? Are you coming home? What are you going to do next?”

“I don’t know,” Horatio said. “I’ve been so confused since this whole thing started and I thought I finally found someone who loved me for me and didn’t want anything but love in return. I thought I could trust him.”

“What did Mac do?” Speed asked.

“He wasn’t at the lab when I got there and Danny told me Mac had to take their ME out to some kind of dinner,” Horatio replied. “So I went to his apartment to surprise him when he got home.”

“H, don’t draw this out,” Speed said. “It’s only going to cause you more pain. Come on, tell me and then I’ll kill Mac for you.”

Horatio snorted. “For some strange reason I thought Danny meant Sid Hammerback,” he said. “I didn’t know they’d got a new ME here. When Mac got home he was wrapped around a woman. God, Speed, it was like watching a porn movie.”

“When have you watched porn?” Speed asked.

“Tim.”

“Sorry,” Speed said. “You just caught me off guard is all. So I guess I need to kill the bitch then.”

“You can’t kill anyone,” Horatio said. “Hang on a second.” He took his phone away from his ear and saw that Mac was trying to call him. “He’s calling, what should I do?”

“Do you really want to talk with him now?” Speed asked. “When the emotions are still so raw that you could end up saying something you’ll both regret? I know how you feel about Mac, Horatio. Can you forgive him for this?”

“I don’t know, Tim, I really don’t,” Horatio replied. “I thought he loved me and he was doing all that stuff to that woman. How can I trust him again?”

“I don’t have an answer for that one, H,” Speed said. “But maybe it would be a good idea to get some space and think about things before you talk with Mac. Then you’ll have your thoughts more in order than you do now. Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?”

“Probably not,” Horatio said. “I might see about a red eye back home. Then I can get back to work in the morning.”

It was Speed’s turn to snort. “I don’t think hiding in your work is the answer, Horatio Caine,” he said. “Don’t make me sic Alexx on you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Horatio said.

“If you’re in as bad a shape as I think you are then oh yeah I would,” Speed said. “You need someone to take care of you and I don’t think you’ll let me close enough to do it. Is there any alcohol in your room?”

“Speed, you know I don’t drink,” Horatio said.

“Oh yeah, that’s right, your old man,” Speed said. There was a soft sound of skin on skin as Speed slapped his forehead. “I’m sorry, H, I forgot. Tea bags then?”

“I would doubt it,” Horatio sighed. “Maybe I’ll stay until morning, Speed. I have a feeling Mac’s going to be haunting the airport looking for me.”

“Horatio, how the hell would he know you’ve been in New York?”

“I had a key to his apartment,” Horatio replied softly. “I left it behind when I left tonight. He told me I’m the only one he’s ever given a key to. Providing that’s the truth it shouldn’t take too long for him to work out I was in his apartment. He’s calling again.”

“Turn your phone off, Horatio,” Speed said. “Let him talk to your voice mail and I’ll delete them when you get home. You need some time to think things through and figure out what you want. I’ll go shopping in the morning for you and make you lunch. How’s that sound?”

“Would you make chocolate chip cookies too?” Horatio asked.

“Only if you promise not to tell anyone where you got them,” Speed replied with a smile. “I’ll see you when you get home tomorrow and we can spend the day watching movies or something.”

“Thanks, Tim,” Horatio said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t either and we’re not finding out,” Speed said. “Now turn off your phone, take a hot shower and lay down for a while.”

“Now you sound like Alexx.”

“Well god knows she’s said it to me enough,” Speed grinned. “Usually after Delko and I have a fight and I’m on her sofa.”

Horatio smiled. “Tell Eric I’m sorry for calling so late,” he said.

“He’s still at work,” Speed said. “There was a break in his case that he had to go back in for. Now shower, Horatio. I’m not telling you again.”

“Yes, mom,” Horatio teased. He hung up on Speed’s rather colorful cursing and closed his eyes with a sigh, feeling the tears threatening to fall again. Horatio decided to take Tim’s advice. He turned off his phone and went towards the bathroom for a long, hot shower.  
********************

When Horatio got out of the shower an hour later he realized he was no longer alone. He wrapped the towel tighter around his waist and picked up his gun from the table in his bedroom. He moved slowly towards the main part of the hotel room and peeked around the corner.

“Horatio.”

“How’d you get in here, Mac?” Horatio asked not lowering the gun.

“I told them it was an emergency and used my badge,” Mac replied. “You can put the gun down, Horatio. I don’t have mine with me. I left home too quickly to remember it.”

“Why are you here?”

“To talk with you,” Mac said. “I got worried when you weren’t answering your cell phone and it started going directly to voice mail.”

Horatio let the gun drop a little. “And why would you be so worried about me?” he asked softly.

“Because I know you were at my apartment tonight,” Mac sighed. “And I have a pretty good idea of what you saw too.” He put a key down on the table in front of him. “I found this in my living room.”

“I figured I didn’t need it any more,” Horatio said.

“Nothing happened, Horatio,” Mac said. 

“That’s not what it looked like from where I was.”

“I couldn’t get hard for her, Horatio. She left not fifteen minutes after she got there,” Mac said. “I’ve spent the past hour and a half searching for you. I needed to be able to explain what happened.”

“Stay there, Mac,” Horatio said bringing the gun up again.

“H, please,” Mac said his hand dropping down to his side. “Please get dressed and let’s talk. I love you and I don’t want our relationship to end.”

“You might not have a choice in that matter any more, Mac,” Horatio said. “As it seemed like you were pretty clear in what you wanted tonight and it wasn’t me.”

Mac ran his hand through his hair and took a step forward. “I know you won’t shoot me, Horatio,” he said. “You are the only one I want. I’m not sure what happened tonight but it was a huge mistake, one I’m willing to pay for for the rest of my life but I want that life to have you in it. I love you, Horatio Caine.”

“I told you to stay there, Mac,” Horatio said. “I don’t want you to touch me.”

“Horatio,” Mac whispered. “Please, can we at least talk like normal people? I can’t let it end like this.”

“I need time, Mac,” Horatio said. “I need time and space to be able to think. I refuse to be used by anyone for any reason. I want to trust you but I’ve been hurt too many times in the past to blindly trust again.”

“H.”

“Leave, Mac,” Horatio said, willing the tears he could feel in his eyes not to fall until he was alone.

“Okay,” Mac finally said, his shoulders slumping. “But I’m not going to give up, Horatio. You are the only one I want in my life, in my bed and my heart. I love you and I’m so sorry for what happened tonight. I swear that nothing happened beyond some kissing with Peyton. All I could see were your eyes and I realized what a mistake I’d made.”

“Go,” Horatio whispered, a tear running down his cheek. “Now.”

“I love you,” Mac said. He turned to leave. “Have someone call me so I know you made it home safely, please.”

When the door was closed, Horatio almost sprinted across the room to put the chain on, something he should have done when he got back to the room in the first place, before he slid to the door, wrapped his arms around his legs and wept.


	5. Chapter 5

Horatio curled up under the covers after he got himself under control. He wanted to hate himself for feeling such strong motions but just couldn’t. He hadn’t let himself feel anything so strongly in so long and Horatio marveled at Mac’s ability to make him fell again.

He wasn’t sure if he slept or not but the sun in his eyes finally convinced him to get up, dressed and fly home. Horatio know that Speed would be waiting for him and the thought brought a smile to his face. The younger man was the best friend Horatio had ever had.

The white envelope on the floor by the door should have been a surprise but it wasn’t in many ways Mac Taylor was just as – if not more – stubborn than Horatio. It was probably just as well Horatio had finally remembered to put the chair on the night before, otherwise he might have found Mac waiting for him and Horatio just wasn’t strong enough to face Mac right now. He tucked the letter into his pocket to read when he got home and had Speed with him for support.

Truthfully Horatio was in two minds about what he should do next. Part of him wanted to stay in New York, find Mac and just hold the other man. Horatio had never felt as complete as he had when he was with Mac. If he believed in such things Horatio would give into the argument that it meant they belonged together. But the other part of him couldn’t forget how Mac looked when he was trying to strip that woman. He’d looked just as frantic as he ever had when he was with Horatio and the red head couldn’t help but wonder how much, if at all, Mac really loved him.

Horatio was only too aware of what could happen to a gay man, especially one who was in the military or on the police force if they were found out, or even suspected. Horatio would never forget the night his father had found out about the fireman downstairs who had been helping Horatio with his homework. The elder Caine had dragged eleven-year-old Horatio down to the fireman, Hank’s, apartment. And he’d forced Horatio to watch as he beat Hank into unconsciousness and then set him on fire. Horatio had managed to get the fire out but it was too late. Hank had died. And Horatio had lied to the cops, not to protect his father, but because he knew that he’d suffer a similar fate if he ever talked. And Horatio had been careful from that day on to make sure no one ever got close to him again. By the time his father died it was too deeply ingrained in him for Horatio to change his ways.

So why did he let Mac in so deeply, to places that hadn’t been touched since before Hank was murdered. Horatio knew his fireman friend hadn’t been gay and wasn’t a child molester and also knew his father’s actions were designed to instill fear in his soon. It had worked although Horatio was more concerned about what might happen to his mother and brother if he wasn’t there to protect them from his father.

Horatio also knew that Mac had been married and lost his wife the day the towers fell. The part of him that was hurting said that Mac had just been looking for a warm body in his bed again. That all the care and attention had only been leading up to one end and that was to claim Horatio. He wondered if Mac would have dumped him after he took Horatio for the first time. Horatio had been aching to know what it felt like to have his lover inside his body as they both climaxed but now he was afraid. He really didn’t want Mac close to him until he worked through everything in his mind.

The more logical side pointed out that Mac had risked everything when he seduced Horatio. He couldn’t imagine life would be easy for Mac if anyone at work learned he was in a same-sex relationship. Why would Mac risk everything if he didn’t feel something deep for Horatio?

Which brought him full circle back to the question of what he was going to do. Would it be possible for Horatio to forgive Mac for what he had done and move forward in the relationship? Or would it be better to just leave Mac behind and return to his solitary life? Horatio had enjoyed having Mac to talk to and be with and had hoped that they’d be able to figure out a way they could live together some day in the future. That would’ve been a major sticking point as there was no way Horatio would be able to return to New York – there were just too many painful memories there – and he didn’t think Mac would ever leave his city.

Maybe they had been doomed from the start and Horatio had been too blind to notice it. The thought hurt but not nearly as much as what Mac had done.

The bump of the airplane landing in Miami jarred Horatio from his very muddled thoughts and he sighed. Speed was waiting for him and it would help to have someone to talk to.  
********************

When Horatio walked into his home the smell of chocolate chip cookies drew him to the kitchen. “How do you manage to do all this and not burn it or make a mess?” Horatio asked leaning up against the kitchen island.

Speed looked over and smacked Horatio’s hand away from the cooling cookies. “I have a chemistry degree,” he said. “If I can keep the trace lab in order then I can do anything. And those are for after you eat your breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry,” Horatio said.

“I don’t care,” Speed replied. “I made you ham slices, eggs and toast and you’re going to eat it before it gets cold. You need someone to take care of you and I need someone to fuss over, so there.”

“What happened to Eric?” Horatio asked. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, he just had a little trouble with a witness,” Speed said. “Tripp was there and took care of it with no problem but I think it shook Eric up a little.”

“You should go be with your lover,” Horatio said. He looked down at the plate in front of him. “That’s where you belong.”

“Actually I called Alexx,” Speed snickered. “And after I explained the situation she promised to take care of everything. I figured you didn’t need her here glaring at you while you ate so she’s feeding Eric. And he knows what’s going on and understands why I’m here. You know you look like shit, H.”

Horatio snorted into his juice. “Don’t sugar coat it, Tim.”

“You wouldn’t want me to lie to you, would you H?”

“No,” Horatio said. He took the letter out of his pocket and slid it across the table. “That was in my room when I woke up this morning. I haven’t read it yet.”

“Are you sure you want me to read it first?” Speed asked.

“I can’t,” Horatio said.

“I know,” Speed said softly. He opened the envelope and unfolded the paper.

**Horatio,

I don’t know that I even have the words to tell you how sorry I am. There is no excuse for what you witnessed last night and I’m not going to insult either of us by trying. I am in the wrong. I made a horrible mistake and I’m willing to do anything in my power to make amends. To be honest I’m not even sure what did happen between me and Peyton. Maybe I just needed that last piece of evidence to prove that I’m in the place I want to be, with the person I want to be with.

To find true love once is remarkable but to find it twice defies all probability. I loved Claire with all my being and locked my heart away when the towers came down. I never thought I’d find anyone that I’d want to let that close to me again. Then came a crime scene where you appeared. Horatio, it was as if you had mother nature doing special effects just for you. The sun came out and cast a halo around you and I was lost. I only know that I wanted more with you. Then we clicked so easily as friends and I began to believe that it was possible.

When I learned you were untouched I never hesitated. I was surprised by what you were saying but it only made me love you more. I’ve never seen you as a prize, Horatio. I’ve only seen you as the man I want beside me until we die.

I can’t begin to tell you how my heart broke when I saw your key on the table in my living room. After Peyton left I was going to take as hot a shower as I could stand to get rid of her touch. I was going to dispose of the sheets and then call you. I don’t know if I would have told you over the phone but I never would have hidden this from you. When I realized you witnessed it I knew that you were hurt and had run. When I called you and kept getting your voicemail I was so worried that something had happened to you. The thought of losing you like I lost Claire almost broke me. I knew I had to find you.

Even after I was in the hotel room and could hear the shower I was still almost in a panic. That panic and concern didn’t fade until I saw you in the doorway. And you were holding your gun. I don’t know that I let it show but it hurt to see you so afraid of me. The only thing I wanted was to take you in my arms and just hold you. But you were skittish and something told me that you would shoot me given half the chance. I could hear you sobbing after you latched the door behind me and it broke my heart. That’s when it really hit home how much I had hurt you and I was at a loss of what to do next.

I know I have no right to ask this of you but can you find it in your heart to give me a chance to prove my love? I love you so much, Horatio. I just want a chance to make things right between us.

You are the only one I want, the only one I can see. Please, Horatio, give me an opportunity to prove to you that I love and desire only you.

Mac.**

“What am I going to do, Tim?” Horatio asked when his friend was done reading the letter.

“What’s your heart say?”

“I’m so confused,” Horatio said. “Part of me says to forgive him and the other part says to run and hide. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re going to have to make that decision for yourself, H,” Speed said. “But it probably wouldn’t hurt anything to talk to him and hear what he has to say.”

“It’s just so hard, Tim,” Horatio said. “I’m trying to follow the evidence and that all points to Mac wanting to be with that woman. But if he’s telling me the truth then the evidence is lying.”

Speed snorted. “Eat your eggs, they’re getting cold,” he said. “Horatio, you always know when someone is lying to you. I don’t know how but you always do. So is Mac Taylor lying about what happened after you left his apartment?”

“No,” Horatio sighed. “He’s not lying to me. But that makes things even more confusing.”

“Do you want me to call him?” Speed asked. “I can put some ground rules in play and let him know if he screws up again he’s a dead man.”

“Please,” Horatio said. “I’m going to go take a nap, Tim. You go on home and take care of Eric and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Leave the cookies,” Horatio said. “Thank you for doing all of this, Tim. Especially when your own partner needs you.”


	6. Chapter 6

When Mac dragged into work an hour late looking like he hadn’t slept the whole team noticed. Stella tried to ask him what was wrong but he just stared at her until she left. He knew that he shouldn’t be too hopeful that Horatio would call him but Mac was hoping that one of the Miami team would call to let him know that Horatio had gotten home okay. The more Mac thought about what had happened the more unsure he was of the events that led up to him taking Peyton home with him.

“Hey Mac,” Danny’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“What do you need, Danny?”

“I’m just wondering if Horatio found you,” Danny replied. “He stopped by the lab the other night looking for you; said he had a surprise or something.”

“He found me,” Mac said softly. “And I wish he hadn’t.”

“Why’s that, Mac?”

“Have you ever done something stupid and wished you could go back in time to fix it?” Mac asked.

“Hell Mac, you know the answer to that,” Danny said with a small grin. “Does this have something to do with why you look so bad?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“Okay, that’s cool but when you are, give me a call,” Danny said. “And we’ll go have a beer, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Danny nodded and left the office. Mac wondered briefly if Stella had put the young man up to it but dismissed the idea almost as fast. He knew that Danny was always alert to the moods of the team and tried to help out where and when he could.

Mac’s gaze fell on the picture of Claire he had on his desk and almost groaned. He couldn’t believe he’d never consciously noticed it before but Peyton looked a great deal like Claire. He could’ve kicked himself. That had to be the reason they’d ended up like they did but Mac was still confused about it. If he was truly happy with Horatio why would he have allowed things to progress as far as they had with Peyton? The fact that his body had refused to respond to her showed that a major part of him knew something was wrong but it shouldn’t have gone as far as it did.

He grabbed his cell phone and flipped it open, trying to school his tone to be as professional as possible and also to try and keep the hope out of it as well. “Taylor.”

“Hello Detective Taylor, this is Tim Speedle in Miami.”

“Speed, is Horatio okay?” Mac asked.

“No,” Speed replied with a snort. “Thanks to your stunt the other night, Horatio is curled up in his bed attempting to hide from everyone.”

“Did he get my letter?”

“He asked me to read it to him,” Speed said. “And he agreed that I could call you and set up some ground rules. I’m going to start with this one; if you hurt him again I will kill you and no one will ever find your body.”

“If I hurt Horatio again I’ll kill myself and save you the trouble,” Mac said. “Does this mean he’s going to try and forgive me?”

“It means he is willing to listen but you’re playing by my rules from now on,” Speed said.

Mac bit back a sigh. “I’m willing to do anything, Tim,” he said. “And I did figure something out. Peyton looks like my late wife. I know it’s not an excuse but it’s likely the reason.”

“If you decide you want to be with Horatio then you had better be ready to commit solely to him,” Speed said. “And that includes no flirting with anyone, no dating and no bringing women or men to your apartment for any sort of sexual reason. That also means no going to their apartment, a hotel, your office, car, taxi…”

“I get the idea,” Mac said. “And I don’t welcome people into my space easily.”

Speed snorted again but didn’t comment on it. “The next rule is that you let Horatio reestablish phone contact,” he said. “You can write, email or text but you do not call him until he calls you first. He says he needs time to think and you are going to give it to him.”

“Is that everything?” Mac asked.

“No; if and when Horatio decides to see you again my partner Eric and I will go on the date with you. You can kiss Horatio on the cheek at the start of the evening and then he sets the limits for the rest of the time. And you will respect those limits and no push him for more before he’s ready.”

Mac was starting to feel like he’d traveled back in time and had landed in the 1800s. “I’m not disagreeing, Tim, but don’t you think this is a little extreme?”

“No I don’t,” Speed replied. “I think you need to ask Horatio about his past, about his family, so you can understand where he’s coming from. But don’t push him. H is feeling extremely hurt and betrayed right now and you could really hurt him if you push too hard.”

“Do you think he’ll ever be able to forgive me, Tim?” Mac asked. “Or do you think this is a complete waste of time?”

“You are the first person Horatio has ever let near him in such a manner and you threw it back in his face,” Speed snapped. “What do you think?”

“I think that it’s probably hopeless but I have to try,” Mac said. “Because I love him and I’m willing to do any and everything to prove it.”

“Last thing,” Speed said. “You have to let me know at least a week in advance if you plan to come to Miami for any reason. And you won’t make that first trip down here until Horatio has reestablished phone contact with you.”

“All right,” Mac sighed. “Thanks for calling, Speed. I know you are already doing it but keep a close eye on Horatio for me, please.”

“Mac,” Speed warned.

“I’m not going to stop worrying about him,” Mac said. “Especially not after he kept his gun on me the whole time I was in his hotel room. You can set all the rules you want but nothing will change the fact that I love him and am worried about him. Good-bye, Tim, I’ve got a case.”  
********************

When Horatio arrived at the lab the next day he found Calleigh and Alexx in the break room both looking a little dreamy-eyed. “Good morning, ladies,” he said.

“Horatio,” Alexx said in the tone that meant her mother radar was pinging. “How are you doing, sugar?”

“I’m fine, Alexx,” Horatio said. “Now what has my two favorite women looking like its Valentines Day?”

“You’ve got a secret admirer,” Calleigh replied with a small sigh.

“A what?” Horatio asked.

“Go look in your office and I want to know who it is when you figure out,” Calleigh said.

It still didn’t make any sense to Horatio so he took his coffee and made his way to his office where he found Tim Speedle and a large bouquet of flowers. “Speed?”

“There’s a card but you can guess who they’re from,” Speed said. “I talked with him yesterday, H, and laid down the law. I guess he’s already finding loopholes.”

Horatio reached in, being careful of the thorns on the roses and pulled out the small envelope. His name was written across the front and it was sealed. He used the letter opener he kept on his desk and pulled out the card. Horatio smiled and handed it to Speed.

“Because it is not forbidden and I love you,” Speed read with a small snort. “He’s creative, I’ll give him that.”

“I want to forgive him, Tim, but I’m scared I’ll get hurt again,” Horatio said softly. He stroked one of the red roses gently.

“Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good,” Speed said. “Look at Delko; it was just my luck to fall in love with a womanizer.”

“But he’s never strayed, has he?” Horatio asked.

“Not that I know of but I’ve had to drag him out by his ear a few times,” Speed replied.

“And therein lies the difference,” Horatio said. He glanced at his cell phone. “Come on, we have a call out.”  
********************

The victim of a hit and run was waiting for them in the middle of the street along with Alexx and Frank. While Speed started the photography Horatio went to join the detective. “What have we got, Frank?”

“According to witnesses the vic stepped off the curb with the light, took four steps and was hit,” Frank replied. “No one can really agree on the color or make of the car so I sure hope you guys can find something.”

“I’m sure we will,” Horatio said. “Alexx, what have you got?”

“He was hit from the side, Horatio,” Alexx said. “I think he hit the top of the car and then landed again but I won’t be sure until I get him on my table. He didn’t see it coming.”

“I’ve got a cell phone and a briefcase,” Speed said. “It looks like our victim was on the phone when he was hit. Do you think he’s a local rather than a tourist?”

Alexx handed Horatio a wallet. He opened it and looked at the ID. “He is and there’s a business card as well,” Horatio said. “It looks like we might have a few leads.”  
********************

While Frank went and talked with the victim’s boss and co-workers, Horatio and Speed made a quick detour on their way back to the lab to speak with the victim’s family. When they got to his house they found his daughter, a student at the university, home with a bad cold. She told them that her mother had been dead for five years and her younger brother was at school.

Halfway through their conversation a German Shepherd puppy came running into the room and jumped up on Horatio’s legs begging for attention.

“Phoenix, down,” the girl said. “I’m so sorry, Lieutenant Caine; we’re still trying to teach him some manners.”

“It’s okay,” Horatio said. He knelt down on one knee and rubbed the puppy’s stomach. “Ma’am, can you think of anyone who would want to hurt your father?”

Speed watched Horatio’s interaction with the dog and had to fight not to smile. He didn’t bring it up until they were in the Hummer driving back to the lab. “I didn’t know you liked dogs, H.”

“I had a dog growing up,” Horatio said. “He liked to get into everything, including the trash, and I couldn’t stop him. But I usually got it cleaned up before my father got home.”

“What happened?”

“He got into the trash which, for some reason, wasn’t under the sink where it belonged,” Horatio said. “My father came home while I was cleaning it up, kicked my dog to death and broke my arm.”

Speed put his hand on Horatio’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Horatio.”

“That was the last pet we had,” Horatio said. “I wasn’t going to risk an innocent life.”

“It’s a good thing he’s already dead, H.”

“I know, Tim,” Horatio sighed. “I know.”


	7. Chapter 7

Horatio took the flowers home with him and set them on the coffee table in his living room. Then he got a diet pop and the new notebook he'd bought on his way home. It had been a long time since he had kept a journal but something was nagging at him that writing down his thoughts would be a good way to work through everything and decide what he wanted to do next.

He settled onto his sofa with a sigh. It had been a long day not adding in the emotional turmoil he had swirling through him. Horatio had a feeling that his writings would mimic his thoughts and go in circles for a while. But it didn't matter because it was unlikely anyone would ever see them.

**Dear Mac,

There are so few I choose to let close to me. And even fewer that I let close enough to get into my heart. Yes there is a reason for that, a painful one that not even my best friend knows fully. By now you probably know that Tim Speedle is my best friend and the one I've confided in the most. And even with him I've held back.

I was five the first time my father hit me. I had left my crayons and paper out on the coffee table in the living room when I went in for supper. He hit me hard enough to knock out two of my baby teeth and my mother kept me home from school for a couple of days until the swelling was gone. I just remember being told it was my fault I couldn't go to school because I'd been messy.

The situation only worsened over the years as my father started drinking more. He killed my dog. He put me in the hospital a couple of times, different ones of course so no one would figure out what was going on. I tried, once, to reach out to someone. My father killed him and told me he'd do the same to my mother and me if I told anyone. I tried to save my friend but I couldn't.

I made the conscious choice not to date because I swore when my dog and my friend died because of me that I'd never risk another life. After my father's death at my hands, fear of rejection for my lack of experience took over and I remained alone.

I remained alone until a case brought me back to New York and I met you. In you I saw something that scared and warmed me at the same time. I honestly believed you were worth opening up to and trusting.

Now I'm confused. I'm so confused, Mac. You showed me so much love and caring that I believed you really did, or do, love me in return. My heart was yours after our first night together. You were always so gentle, even when we were frantic to touch, that I believed you would never hurt me. I knew our relationship would be hard being in two different cities but I was willing to work at it because I did love you.

I never got a chance to tell you but I came to New York with a present for you. I bought a couple of toys and have been using them as much as possible to stretch and train my body. I was ready to take the final step with you and let you in on every level. When I went to the lab and Danny told me where you were I thought I'd be able to surprise you. With how the evening played out I'm glad I didn't go with my first instinct – which was to strip and wait for you in your bed.

Instead it was me that received the surprise. I could tell how much you wanted to touch her because you used the same touches on me whenever we managed to be together. It made me questions so many things, not only what you told me but also what you showed me.  
**

Horatio closed the book when his doorbell rang. He sighed and stood, making his way to the door. "Alexx?"

"Hey Horatio," Alexx said with a soft smile. "Timmy said you probably needed some dinner and, as my family is visiting relatives up in Orlando, I thought I'd bring something over for you."

"Thank you, Alexx, but I'm really not that hungry," Horatio said. He stepped back to let his friend inside.

"Horatio Caine, you are not going to make yourself sick," Alexx said. "If you don't want the pasta I made for you then I'm going to the store and getting you some soup but you are going to eat."

He grinned sadly. "I'll try," Horatio said.

"Oh sugar, I know it's hard," Alexx said. She put the dish down and pulled Horatio into a hug. "Opening your heart to love can be one of the most deadly things you can do. But it can also be one of the most rewarding too."

"If you say so," Horatio sighed. He kissed the top of Alexx's head and went to sit at the table.

"Have you been holding back, Horatio?" she asked. Alexx started digging through the kitchen to find dishes and forks. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water is fine," Horatio said. "I talk to Speed when I need someone."

"He told me that you're having trouble with your boyfriend," Alexx said. "There you go, sugar. You start on that and let me know if you want more."

Horatio had to smile. Alexx mothered the whole team with such love and style that it was impossible to tell her no. But he was a little worried that Speed had told Alexx everything that had been going on and it just reinforced Horatio's desire not to let anyone get close to him.

"That's all he told me," Alexx said. "But if you want to tell me more then I'm willing to listen."

"Not yet," Horatio sighed. "Maybe not ever, Alexx. It's hard to know for sure."

"Well I'll tell you this much, Horatio. Love is worth everything in the end. Sometimes you have to be hurt to really know what you want and it is harder than hell to take that final step and let the person back in again," she said. "But it works out in the end."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Horatio asked.

"No, I'm not," Alexx replied. "But I've seen it happen so many times. Look at Tim and Eric. They had to go through so much to be together but they're happy now that they are. I don't know that I've ever seen such a perfect match as those two boys."

"Speed was telling me some stories," Horatio said. "But I'm not sure if it was meant to make me feel better or just take my mind off of everything."

"Sugar, do I know the man who stole and broke your heart?" Alexx asked.

"He's not from around here," Horatio said. "Which might have been one problem. There's so much distance between us that it's hard to be together when all we had was the phone."

On cue Horatio's phone beeped. He took it out of his pocket and saw that he had a new text message. Frowning slightly he opened it and saw that the message was from Mac. It said to check his email. 

"Good news, Horatio?"

"I'm not sure, Alexx," Horatio said. "Although it makes me wonder if technology is advancing a little too far."

"What do you mean?"

"I just got a text message telling me I have email," Horatio said with a small smile. 

Alexx laughed. "Then someone wants to make sure that you are checking your email so it must be important," she said. "But you're not leaving the table until you're done eating, Horatio. You are not going to make yourself sick."

"All right," Horatio said softly.  
********************

Later that night after Alexx had left, making sure to count the number of meals she'd made and left in the fridge so she'd be sure he was eating, Horatio secured his house and made his way to his home office. He wasn't really sure he wanted to check his email to see what Mac had sent him but he would.

The message was just general information about Mac's day at the lab; how his team was doing and general gossip. But there was a link at the end to an online video. Horatio debated for a few minutes before clicking on it. As he waited for the youtube video to load Horatio wondered exactly what Mac was doing and how it fit in with the apology the other man seemed so determined to make.

Horatio hadn't spent much time listening to Elton John in the past but as the slow song washed over him he realized exactly how the lyrics related to him. He was amazed that Mac had been able to track down such an expressive song. Horatio had to wipe the tears from his eyes several times as the song ended. He saved the message to show to Speed and went to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

As much as it pained Mac to admit it, Tim Speedle was right. He really didn’t know much about his lover’s past or family. And as he didn’t want to ask such a personal question in an email or text message, Mac decided it was time to do some research.

“Hey Mac, we’re all heading to Sullivan’s,” Danny said as he tapped on the door. “Do you want to come along? It might make you feel better.”

“No thanks, Danny, I’ve got stuff I need to take care of here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“All right, but don’t blame me if Stella drags you outta here,” Danny grinned. “She’s got that look on her face again.”

“I’ll keep my eyes open,” Mac said. “Good night, Danny.”

“Don’t work too hard,” Danny said as he shut the door.

Mac had to smile at how perceptive his young friend could be and focused on his computer. He wasn’t sure of the best way to find information on Horatio’s family so he simply entered the last name Caine into the newspaper archive search database that he favored.

The most recent article that popped up was about a man named Raymond Caine, an undercover narco cop who had been killed while he was working. At the end it mentioned Horatio as Raymond’s older brother. Mac skimmed through the related articles and had to close his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t begin to imagine what Horatio had been and likely still went through wondering if his brother was dirty or not.

The next article on the main list was about the death of an Elizabeth Caine at the hands of her husband. And then one on a Rodger Caine who was killed by his son. Mac read them both and felt an ice lump start to form in his stomach. Horatio had come home, found his father beating his mother, tried to save her and ended up killing his father. And then the mother had died anyway.

The last article was about a fireman named Hank Peterson. Ma was puzzled about what that had to do with Horatio until he started reading the article. He spared a thought that his lover was cute even as a kid but his primary focus was on what had happened. It didn’t take much to read between the lines and figure out that Horatio had lied to the police. Mac just wasn’t sure why. 

He had picked up his cell phone and was halfway through dialing Horatio’s number before he remembered he wasn’t allowed to call. Mac growled and snapped the phone closed again. He had already picked out the song for the day so he went to the page and then opened his email. Mac typed another note to Horatio telling him about his day and attached the video link. Then he added a small note at the end and left for the day.  
********************

Horatio was in his office working on reports when his computer beeped, letting him know he had a new email message. He finished the report he was working on, printed it for the case folder – the hit and run driver had been arrested – and then opened his inbox.

He wasn’t too surprised to see that it was from Mac. Horatio couldn’t help but smile at the description of Danny and Hawke’s experiment and Stella’s reaction to the loud bang and burst of light. Mac went on to say that he wasn’t entirely sure what case the experiment had been for but it was fun to watch Stella chase Danny around the lab.

He clicked on the video link and, while he was waiting for it to load, finished reading the email. Horatio was puzzled by the last line and read it several times before the music started.

“Mac?” Speed asked from the door. “He’s got an eclectic taste in music.”

“I keep waiting for the jazz music,” Horatio said. “Come and take a look at this, Speed.”

Speed leaned over and read the line Horatio pointed to. “I understand but I want to know more,” he read. 

“Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?” Horatio asked. “Because I don’t.”

“I told him he needed to ask you about your family,” Speed replied.

“Tim, you don’t think he went and found the police reports, do you?”

“I doubt it because that doesn’t make any sense,” Speed said soothingly. “Let me give him a call and I’ll find out what’s going on. Are you done for the day?”

“I’ve got one more report to write,” Horatio said. 

“You do that and then come to dinner with Eric and me. We’ve been wanting to try that new place on the beach and would love to have you come.”

Horatio smiled weakly. “I’ll think about it.”  
********************

Mac groaned when he saw the name on the caller ID. “Am I in for another lecture, Speedle?”

“You’d better believe it,” Speed growled. “What the hell were you thinking researching Horatio like you would any other suspect and then letting him know about it? The man guards his personal life like a precious stone. He almost fainted when he thought you were reading the old police reports.”

“I wasn’t reading police reports because I didn’t know there were any,” Mac said. “I was in the newspaper archives and I only skimmed the results. Besides, you were the one who said I needed to know about Horatio’s past and family.”

“I told you to ask him about his family,” Speed yelled. “There’s a huge difference in asking someone and digging through their dirty laundry.”

“Well, I am a CSI,” Mac said.

“That’s not funny, Taylor,” Speed snarled.

He would have said more but the phone was taken from his hand. “Hello, Mac,” Horatio said softly.

“Horatio,” Mac whispered. He’d thought he’d never hear his lover’s voice again.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” Horatio said in the same soft tone. “It’s not how I would have chosen for you to find out about my past but what’s done is done.”

“It doesn’t change anything, Horatio,” Mac said. “I still want to be with you. I just didn’t know how else to go about this. I didn’t read the police reports. I saw the news articles on your parents and brother. I am so sorry about Raymond.”

“So am I,” Horatio said. “I still need time, Mac. I want to forgive you. I want to be back with you but I don’t know if I can trust you.”

“What can I do to help?” Mac asked.

“I don’t know,” Horatio replied. “I don’t.” He handed the phone back to Speed and left the room.

“Horatio?” Mac asked. “H?”

“He’s gone,” Speed replied. “I suppose we can count that as him reestablishing phone contact with you but don’t deluge him with calls, Taylor.”

Mac sighed. “I won’t,” he said. “Speed, I’d like to come to Miami.”

“And do what?”

“Take Horatio to dinner and spend some time with him,” Mac said. “I know you and or your partner have to be with us at all times and I’ll follow the rules. But I really would like to see Horatio again.”

“And what happens if he’s not ready to see you?”

“Then I’ll respect that,” Mac said. “But I want to try.”

“I think it’s too soon, but okay,” Speed said. “But you’re going to talk with a friend of mine while you’re down here.”

“Another stipulation of yours?”

Speed chuckled, thinking of Alexx’s exact words. “Nope,” he said. “Hers. She considers the whole team her children and that includes Horatio. Think of it as meeting mom.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Yes.”


	9. Chapter 9

When Mac walked off the airplane in Miami he was a little surprised when a scruffy looking man walked right up to him. “I’m your ride, Taylor, so let’s go.”

“Speedle?”

“Yep,” Speed said. “My friend is waiting at the lab to talk with you and it’s not a good idea to keep her waiting longer than necessary.”

“How’s Horatio doing?” Mac asked as he followed the other man through the busy airport towards the parking area.

“He’s a nervous wreck but managing to hide it well,” Speed said. “Eric and I picked out the restaurant we’re going to tonight. It’s on the beach, moderately priced and fairly isolated as well. I don’t like the idea of taking Horatio out in public for your first time back together but he’s insisting on it.”

“I promise to behave myself,” Mac sighed. “Speedle, I know you don’t believe me but the last thing I want to do is hurt Horatio.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe you,” Speed said. “You didn’t hear him right after he left your apartment. He was crying so hard that I could barely understand a word he said. I’ve known H for years and I’ve never seen or heard him so broken before.”

“You’ve never made a mistake with the one you love?”

“I’m far from innocent when it comes to my own lover but I’ve never cheated on him,” Speed snapped. He pulled out into traffic. “And I’ve never broken his heart so badly that his friends are afraid that it can’t be mended again.”

“What can I do to convince you all that I want to help Horatio?”

“I wish I had an answer for that one,” Speed said. “But I don’t.”  
********************

Alexx was busy cleaning her tools after her last autopsy of the day when the door to the main room opened and Speed walked in followed by a dark haired man. “Hey Alexx,” Speed said. “This is Mac Taylor from New York, the guy I was telling you about.”

“Of course,” Alexx said. “Welcome to Miami, Detective Taylor. I just wanted to talk with you for a couple of minutes before you leave for supper.”

“What can I do for you, ma’am?” Mac asked.

She picked up her rib cutters and started to wipe them down. “Horatio Caine is one of my closest friends,” Alexx said. “And I’m worried about him. It’s obvious to anyone who knows him that Horatio has been hurt deeply. I know that you’re the one who hurt him and I just wanted to make sure you understood a few things.”

“I wish my team was as loyal to me,” Mac commented.

“We’re loyal to Horatio because he’s loyal to us,” Speed commented. “We are a family and we watch out for each other and that’s something you have to learn.”

Alexx opened and closed the rib cutters a few times before shaking her head and picking up the sponge again. “Timmy is going along with you tonight and he’s going to be giving me a full report on the evening,” she said. “And if I think for one moment that you’ve hurt Horatio then I’ll have Timmy bring you back here and you’ll get to meet a few of my friends.”

“Friends?” Mac asked, his eyes fixed on the rib cutters.

“Starting with these,” Alexx said. She grinned as Mac jumped when she snapped the cutters closed. Her eyes locked on his groin. “And I promise you won’t like the results.”  
********************

Mac didn’t dare to open his mouth until he was back in the Hummer with Speed. “Did she threaten to castrate me?” he finally asked.

“Yeah,” Speed replied.

“I think I’m starting to understand exactly how much trouble I’m really in,” Mac sighed. “But I’m still not giving up, Speed. I’m not going to give up on Horatio no matter how many threats you lay on my head.”

“We’re here,” Speed said. “Remember the rules, a kiss on the cheek if he lets you that close and then Horatio sets the limits for the rest of the evening. If I think you’re pressuring him for anything I won’t hesitate to hit you.”

“I’ll behave,” Mac said. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “Do I look as nervous as I feel?”

“Yes,” Speed said. He hopped out of the Hummer and started towards the house. 

Mac stood on the walk for a second just happy that he was able to see Horatio’s house again. He’d been thinking that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d ever be welcome back in Miami, let alone in his lover’s house, although he was well aware of exactly how tenuous his welcome was. 

“Are you coming or not?” Speed asked from the doorway.

“Yeah,” Mac replied. He hurried to catch up with the other man and followed him into the house.

Speed walked up to a young Hispanic man and kissed him quickly. “Eric, this is Mac Taylor,” he said. “Where’s Horatio?”

“Out on the back deck,” Eric replied.

“Save it,” Mac said holding up a hand. “I’ve heard all the threats I can handle for one day. May I have a moment alone with Horatio?”

“No,” Speed said. “But I’ll stay in the doorway. Remember what I said about respecting his limits.”

Mac took a deep breath, tried not to sigh and walked through the kitchen and out onto the deck. Horatio was standing facing the ocean. “Hello, Mac,” he said softly.

“How’d you know I was here?” Mac asked.

“You can come over, just don’t touch me,” Horatio replied. “I heard the front door open.”

“You know you’re setting the rules for the evening, right Horatio?” Mac said softly.

“Yeah,” Horatio said. 

“I’ll say it a thousand times, but I’m so sorry Horatio,” Mac sighed. “You have a good team here; they’re ready to kill to protect you.”

Horatio snorted. “They won’t hurt you, Mac,” he said. “No matter what happens to me. You don’t have to fear for your personal safety.”

“You know I’d rather die than hurt you,” Mac said. “And if I thought it would help anything then I would because I know how badly I did hurt you. I can see it in your eyes.”

“You read the articles, you know what I grew up around,” Horatio said softly. 

“H, I only know what they put in the paper and you know how things can be twisted around by the media,” Mac said. “I would like to hear about your past from you when you’re ready to tell me about it. I’m sorry I pushed like I did but I wanted to know what had happened and it seemed like the best way at the time.”

“Do you think there’s hope for us, Mac?” Horatio asked.

“If I can earn your trust back, yes,” Mac replied seriously. 

“I don’t know if I can trust that deeply again,” Horatio said. “When I let you into my heart like I did, it was the first time since I was eleven that I had trusted anyone so deeply. And then you took that trust and threw it back in my face like it didn’t matter.”

Mac moved closer, being careful not to touch the other man. “Horatio, I know exactly how much you opened to me but I also know that you kept pieces of you back,” he said. “If you would have me I’m willing to take all my vacation and sick time off from the lab to try and make things right with you.”

“I don’t know that we can do that in a month,” Horatio sighed. “I don’t know if I’d be able to do it if we had years.”

“The last time I took a vacation or a sick day was before my wife died,” Mac said. “I’m not sure exactly how much time I have saved up but I’m willing to be its close onto a year or more. And I’m willing to spend it all with you, if you’ll let me.”

“Mac, there’s a part of me that wants nothing more than to feel your arms around me again and your lips on mine,” Horatio said. “That part of me still wants to feel you in my body and have you in bed with me. But another part of me says that opening up to you again like that will only hurt me. I’ve been going in circles over this since I left New York. And I’m no closer to an answer than I was before.”

“I can promise you that you’ll never have to worry about me straying or cheating on you ever again,” Mac said. “I’ve thought over the events of that night and realized that our new ME looks like Claire. I don’t have an excuse for my actions, things got out of control and you’re the one paying for it. But I’m not lying to you when I say that I couldn’t respond to her. She felt wrong against me and looked wrong. All I wanted was to see your expressive blue eyes and your wonderful red hair. I felt disgusted when I realized exactly what I was doing. If there had been a way to burn the bedding I would have. You’re the only one I want, Horatio Caine.”

Horatio sighed and moved a little closer to Mac, letting their arms touch. “I want to be with you too, Mac, but I don’t know how.”

“Will you trust me to teach you?” Mac asked. “I swear no sex or touching until you’re ready. We’ll do it right this time. We’re going to talk and learn things about each other and then we’ll move back to the physical relationship.”

“I don’t know, Mac,” Horatio said. “But I’ll think about it.”  
********************

Eric walked up behind Speed and wrapped his arms around his lover. “How are they doing?” he whispered in Speed’s ear.

“It’s hard to say,” Speed replied. “Mac’s offered to take time off from his lab to come down here and spend time with H. Maybe he’ll be able to fix this after all.”

“And if he can’t?”

“Then we’re going to be spending a long time picking up the pieces of Horatio’s heart and soul,” Speed said.


	10. Chapter 10

Horatio was silent through dinner, staring out at the waves. Speed and Eric took the time to question Mac about not only himself but New York as well. And Speed made a special point to ask about Danny. After they had finished up their desserts, Horatio stirred. “Come walk with me, Mac,” he said softly.

Mac looked automatically towards Speed. “Go ahead,” Speed snorted. “You know the rules and what’ll happen if you don’t follow them.”

“Alexx Woods will be the least of my worries,” Mac said as he stood to follow Horatio down onto the beach.

The red head took off his shoes and socks and left them tucked under the stairs leading up to the restaurant’s deck. He was rolling up his jeans as Mac followed suit. “You met Alexx?” Horatio asked.

“And her little friends,” Mac replied. “She told me in no uncertain terms what she’d do to me if I hurt you again. You have a loyal team here, Horatio. I wish I could say the same about a couple of my people.”

“It was hard on you, losing Aiden,” Horatio said.

“It was but I think it was harder on Danny,” Mac said. “I trust Stella and Danny with my life. Hawkes won’t carry a gun but he’s a loyal man and I know Don always has my back. It’s Lindsay I’m not sure of. It’s like she never really fit into place.”

“I know how that is,” Horatio sighed. “We had a woman named Megan who used to work with us. She brought Speed into the lab and was his mentor until her husband was killed and she left the force. When she came back she wasn’t the same. In the end, she vanished again. I have no idea where she went or what happened to her.”

“I can speak from experience that losing someone you love changes you,” Mac said. “And I know you can too. Horatio, would you be willing to tell me about your firefighter friend?”

Horatio stopped and let the waves wash over his feet. “I love the ocean, Mac,” he said. “Whenever I have a hard day, or I just need a chance to relax, I go to the beach. I’ll just sit and watch the waves wash up over and over again until the sound helps to calm my mind down. And I especially love the beach at night, when I don’t have to worry about getting a sun burn.”

“You must come out here a lot,” Mac said.

“There’s not one beach I favor over another,” Horatio said. “They all have the ocean. It’s more a matter of which one I can get to the fastest when I need to calm down. That’s one reason I live where I do. So I can hear the waves at night.”

“Have you always loved the ocean or did you fall in love when you moved to Miami?” Mac asked.

Horatio snorted softly. “When I was eight my uncle took me to the shore for the weekend,” he said. “I was awed by the waves crashing on the shore and wanted to swim but he wouldn’t let me. There was a storm off shore and it was too dangerous. But I snuck out onto the deck at night and just listened to them. I wanted to memorize how they sounded. Then, when things got bad at home, I was able to go back to the ocean and I felt at peace.”

“I’m glad your uncle gave you such a precious gift,” Mac said.

“Me too, although he paid for it in the end,” Horatio said. “My father didn’t like the idea of me leaving the city so he banned my uncle from ever coming over again. It didn’t stop him, but he didn’t dare come around the house. He died of a heart attack a couple of years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Mac said.

“Hank found me on the stairs one day after school,” Horatio said. “I was working on algebra. My teacher had encouraged me to check the book out of the school library because she could see that I had a quick mind and was ahead of my class in math and science. She did what she could to help me but I wasn’t allowed to stay after school for any reason so I was mostly working on my own. I didn’t like working in the apartment because it was too loud and I was punished if I left a mess anywhere. Hank was an engineer, he was the one who drive the engine to the fire and also worked the pumps to get the water to the fire so he was really good at math. He walked past me a couple of times without saying anything more than a hello but I could tell that he wanted to help me. Finally, after he’d had a really bad day at work, he sat out on the stairs with me and we just talked for a bit. Even back then I could tell when someone was lying to me or wanted something bad and he didn’t. He just wanted to be my friend. I figured out later that he’d heard some of the shouting from my apartment and wanted to make sure that everything was okay; he was the reason the cops had shown up a time or two.”

“Firefighters are some of the nicest, most noble men and women I’ve met,” Mac said. “Horatio, is it okay for me to put my hand on your shoulder?”

Horatio nodded. “It took some time because I was still pretty wary about adults wanting to be friends with me,” he continued. “But Hank proved himself to be a true friend, one who also happened to be an excellent teacher. When it got too cold to work outside, he invited me into his home. It became a place I could go without worrying that my father would find out because, as far as he knew, I was in the building and close enough to get to him fast if he called. I have my suspicions on how he found out about Hank but one night my father dragged me down to Hank’s apartment. He broke down the door and attacked Hank. I’m not sure if the beating killed him or if it was the fact that my father poured lighter fluid over him and set him on fire, but I was too late to save him. That’s when I vowed never to let anyone get close to me again.”

“I’m sorry, Horatio,” Mac said, squeezing his lover’s shoulder. “How old were you at the time?”

“I was eleven. My teachers all noticed the fact that I withdrew from everything but my studies and tried to tell my parents about their concerns but they didn’t care,” Horatio said. “You’re the first person I’ve ever let get that close to me, and that includes Speed. He’s my best friend but he doesn’t know everything about me.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about Hank,” Mac said. “Is there a memorial for him up in New York?”

“No,” Horatio said. He reached up and put his hand over Mac’s. “I lied to the cops because my father threatened my mother. She was so beaten into submission at that point that I felt I had to protect her in any way I could. I’m sure the officers knew I was lying but there wasn’t the forensics back then so they couldn’t prove anything.”

“Horatio, when you’re feeling more stable, how would you feel about going back to New York and getting a proper headstone for Hank?” Mac asked. “I can find out where he’s buried easily enough and you could finally get a chance to tell him good-bye and thank you.”

“It’s my fault he’s dead, Mac,” Horatio said. “I seriously doubt that he’d want to hear my voice again, if he even could wherever he is.”

Mac moved around in front of Horatio and made eye contact as best he could in the dark. “Horatio, if you found a young boy who needed help you’d give it to him without question,” he said. “I know you would; you’ve got such a big heart. And if the parent came after you for helping their child, would you blame the child for that or would you blame the idiot parent who was too blind to see what was really going on?”

“The parent,” Horatio said softly.

“So why do you hold so firmly to this idea that it’s your fault?”

“Because I didn’t have to go to his apartment,” Horatio replied. “I already knew what my father was capable of and I should’ve known better than to try and make friends with anyone. I drew my father’s attention to Hank and that’s what got him killed.”

“You are so stubborn,” Mac said. He ran a finger along Horatio’s cheek. “I think it has to be this red hair of yours. I’ll concede the point for now, Horatio, but I’m going to manage to convince you at some point that Hank’s death was not your fault. Yes, you knew that your father was violent. But you didn’t know that he would kill someone just because they wanted to be your friend. Look back at the situation with an adult’s eyes, with your lieutenant’s eyes. I know your heart tells you that you killed Hank, but you know better than that.”

“Do that again,” Horatio said softly.

“This?” Mac asked. He ran his finger along Horatio’s cheek again. Horatio closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “I still love you, Horatio, and right now I’d like nothing more than to take you home and hold you all night. But I know that Speed, Alexx, Eric and probably the rest of your team would kill me for it.”

“Not if I told them it was at my request,” Horatio said. “I didn’t realize how much I’d missed your touch, Mac.”

“I have too,” Mac said. “We’ll have plenty of time together when I get back from New York. It shouldn’t take more than a week for me to get everything in order and let my boss know I’m taking an extended leave of absence and Stella can take over the shift for me.”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Mac?”

“I’m positive,” Mac replied. “Horatio, I’d quit the lab and move to Miami tomorrow if I was positive we’d be together forever. But I think this is the best course of action right now because you’re still healing.”

“You’re right, Mac,” Horatio said. “Come on, we should get back before Speed starts to worry.”


	11. Chapter 11

Speed took Mac back to the airport the next morning. “Have you thought about where you’re going to stay while you’re doing all this?” he asked.

“I have the money for a hotel, Speedle,” Mac replied. “I’m not expecting to stay at Horatio’s house so don’t worry about that. And I’ll rent a car when I come back so you don’t have to worry about driving me around all the time.”

“It’s not a problem and you don’t need to spend that much money,” Speed said. “Look, I may be pissed as hell at you, but you’re trying and I have to give you credit for that. Delko and I have a guest room that you can use. I’m guessing it’ll only be for about a week anyway, no matter how much I grumble about it.”

“There’s no way Horatio will let me move into his guest room in under a week,” Mac said. “And I seriously doubt you or the rest of the team would allow it.”

“H called me this morning,” Speed said. “He wants me to back off just a little so you’re not so stressed out. The man has a huge heart and is always looking out for everyone else. That’s the reason that we watch him so closely. He doesn’t always know his limits and will put everything on the line for the victims.”

“I swear on my honor as a Marine that I will move at a slug’s pace for this, Tim,” Mac said. “And if you doubt that then there’s nothing else I can do to convince you of my sincerity in wanting to fix all this.”

“I’ve known a few Marines,” Speed said. “I also know that’s the strictest oath you can take. I’ll call the hounds off for now, but we’re all going to be watching and if we see something we don’t like…”

“Yeah, snipping time,” Mac said with a shudder.

“Call me when you have your flight info to come back,” Speed said. “And someone will be here to pick you up.”

“Thank you,” Mac said. “It shouldn’t take me more than a week to get this all taken care of. I just hope Stella isn’t too mad at me.”

Speed snorted. “That’s all you need, Taylor. Someone else who is mad at you.”  
********************

When Mac got back to New York he took a taxi directly to the lab, hoping that he would be able to find Stella before their shift started. He wasn’t lucky enough to find her alone, but finding Danny in the room saved him some time. “Do you two have a minute?”

“What’s up, Mac?” Danny asked. 

“I’ve decided I’m going to take a leave of absence from the department,” Mac replied. He shut the door to Stella’s office and sat down so his back was to the glass wall. “I made a mistake and I need the time away to fix it and move on with my life.”

“Is this why you’ve been so grumpy and secretive lately?” Danny asked.

“Yeah,” Mac said. “Do you remember when you asked me if Horatio had found me, Danny? And I said I wished he hadn’t.”

“Sure, you confused the hell outta me with that one,” Danny said with a small grin.

“This isn’t easy for me to say, but you two are the closest friends I have, and are the only ones I plan on telling,” Mac said with a sigh. “When Horatio first came to New York back in 04 we started a physical relationship. It was hard because we live in different cities but every chance we had to see each other, we took. And I love him. I love him more than anything, except maybe Claire and he knows that.”

“Well, that’s good, Mac,” Stella said. “You know that Claire would want you to move on and be happy. So what’s the big deal?”

Danny rubbed his eyes. “Mac, you didn’t.”

“I did,” Mac said. “And admitting that is harder than telling the two of you about my relationship with Horatio.”

“Do you guys want to clue me in here?” Stella asked.

“He cheated on Horatio,” Danny replied.

“In a nutshell only it never went past kissing,” Mac said. “I’m still not sure exactly what happened but the night Peyton dragged me to that dinner we, somehow, ended up back at my apartment and in bed. And Horatio was there waiting for me. He’d come to New York to surprise me and, instead, he got the surprise. I also found out that he’s been horribly abused by his family and that only added to his insecurities. For the past month I’ve been on restrictions put into place by one of his co-workers, his best friend. But I’ve decided that I’m going to take this leave of absence and go down to Miami and make everything right between me and Horatio.”

“I feel like I should smack you,” Stella said. “How could you be so stupid, Mac?”

“Trust me, that point has been driven home quite well by Horatio’s team,” Mac said with a shudder. “His medical examiner threatened to castrate me if I hurt Horatio again. Look, I’m still on restrictions, but I want to make this relationship work. One way I can prove that to Horatio is to move to Miami for a while. I’m to the point that I’d willingly quit here and move down their permanently if it meant I’d be able to be with him for the rest of our lives. I love him, Stella. And that’s all that matters to me right now. I have to show him how much I do love him.”

“So what do you need from us, Mac?” Stella asked.

“Well, with me gone, you’ll be put in charge of the shift,” Mac replied. “And Danny, I’m going to recommend you for her second. You have the time, you’re a great CSI, and you’re a wonderful teacher. Just take care of everything for me and you’ll be fine.”

“When are you leaving?” Danny asked.

“As soon as I get my leave approved and pack,” Mac said. “I told Horatio no more than week and I really want to keep my promise to him.”

“Will you let us know if there’s anything else we can do?” Stella asked.

“Of course,” Mac said.

“Hey, don’t look so surprised, Mac,” Stella said. “I think you forget how well Danny and I know you. We’ve both known that there was something bothering you. We just didn’t know what it was until you told us.”

Danny patted Mac on the shoulder. “Yeah, thanks for trusting us with that.”

“What do we tell the others?”

“Tell them I’m thinking about where I want my life to lead,” Mac said. “It isn’t far off of the truth. They don’t need to know everything.”

“What if Peyton comes looking for you?”

“I doubt she will, Stella,” Mac sighed. “Somehow I think she was just as embarrassed by that night as I was. She’s been professional about our relationship ever since. Now I’m going to go and call the bosses and get things rolling, unless you want to rake me over the coals some more.”

Stella grinned. “Nope, it sounds like the Miami team took care of that for us,” she said. “But I might give them a call and have them call us with updates on how you’re doing. I mean, we kinda need to know if they kill you.”

Danny started laughing at Mac’s growl. “She’s gotta point there, boss,” he said. “Stel, I can save you some time. I know Speed down in Miami. I’ll give him a call.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Mac groaned.  
********************

Mac had just hung up his phone when his office door opened and in walked the last person he wanted to see while he was in New York. “Peyton, what can I do for you?” he asked.

“If you’re busy, I can come back later,” she said.

“I’m getting ready to leave,” Mac replied.

“Oh, well then I’ll make this as quick as I can,” Peyton said. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner later this week?”

“That isn’t a good idea, Peyton,” Mac said.

“Well, I thought perhaps we could try again and see if it was a better night for you,” Peyton said with a smile. “But if you’re busy, maybe next week?”

“No, Peyton, you misunderstood,” Mac said. “I’m leaving the city for an unknown period of time. I made a mistake and hurt someone I love deeply and I’m going to fix it. And based on that it isn’t a good idea for you to continue to harbor any sort of notions towards me other than purely professional.”

“Do you know when you’ll be returning?”

“I don’t,” Mac said. “Because I don’t know how long it’ll take to set things right.”

“Mac, have you considered that you might not be able to make things right between you and the red headed gentleman I saw in your apartment?” she asked.

Mac went completely still. “You knew he was there,” he whispered. “You bitch.”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Mac demanded.

“Because it was fairly obvious that you wanted to be with me that night, no matter what the other man wanted with you,” Peyton said.

“So obvious based on what?” Mac asked. “The fact that I was kissing you? I regret that more than I can tell you. You can’t base it off of my body’s reaction because it quite obviously didn’t want you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me he was there. Get out of my office, now.”

“Mac, I don’t know what….”

“Out,” Mac hissed, “before I do something I really will regret.”

Stella watched as Peyton fled from Mac’s office and then went in just in time to see Mac slam his fist against his desk. “Do I want to know?” she asked.

“That bitch saw Horatio in my apartment and didn’t say a word about it,” he snarled. “I bet she enjoyed every second of pain she saw reflected in his eyes too. If she had stayed another second in here, I would’ve killed her. How could I have been so blind, Stella?”

“You’ve been trying to make things right with Horatio and that’s where your focus should have been,” Stella said. “Peyton changed while she was teaching and I don’t even recognize her. Don’t dwell on this, Mac. Leave her to me and Danny. You go and take care of Horatio. And if you get a better offer down there, you sure as hell had better take it. New York can function without you. I don’t know if Horatio can.”

“Thanks Stella. You’re one in a million.”

“Oh sure, now you figure that out,” Stella laughed. She held up her hands and made a little sweeping motion with them. “Go on, shoo. Horatio needs you.”


	12. Chapter 12

Mac wasn’t too surprised to find Tim Speedle and Eric Delko waiting for him at the airport when he arrived back in Miami. He opened the door to the back of the Hummer, tossed in his bags and then carefully set the box he was carrying on the floor. “Gentlemen, I need to speak with Dr. Woods, please.”

“Why do you need to see Alexx?” Speed asked as he pulled into traffic.

“And do you think it’s a good idea?” Eric added.

“Please,” Mac replied. “It has to do with Peyton and I need a woman’s advice.”

Speed nodded. “She should still be at the morgue, but she’s on her way to a medical conference so I’m warning you that we might miss her,” he said. “What’s in the box?”

“I saw the cookies at Horatio’s house and stopped at a bakery in New York,” Mac said. “I brought him some gourmet cookies and candies.”

“He’ll like that,” Eric said with a grin. “H hides his sweet tooth pretty well, but I do know he uses cookies as a comfort food. So I hear you’re staying with us for a while.”

“I agree with Speedle that it’s probably not a good idea for me to stay with Horatio right now,” Mac said. “I was willing to stay in a hotel but that idea was vetoed pretty fast.”

“There’s no reason for you to blow your bank account like that when we have room,” Speed said. “And I have to tell you that Horatio has looked different since you left. And it’s different in a good way. The sparkle has come back to his eyes and he’s been holding his head up a little more. I had my doubts about the two of you, but seeing him this past week they’re starting to dissolve. You might just win me over yet, Taylor.”

Mac smiled wryly. “I won’t hold my breath,” he said. “I still feel like I’m in a movie from a hundred years ago courting with a stern father looking over my shoulder at every move I make. It’s not easy, I’ll tell you that much.”

“Just remember the rules and you’ll be fine,” Speed said. “But I’ll add a new one; if Horatio asks for something and you think he’s ready for it, go ahead. I think its time to let him set the pace a little more and for me to back off; no matter how much I hate the idea.”

“I wish there was a way I could make this all not have happened,” Mac sighed. “But it might be good in the long run because now Horatio and I are being able to take the time to really get to know each other and rebuild our relationship on a firmer base. Last time we just sort of fell into bed and were both focused on sex. It’s not healthy by any stretch of the imagination and now I realize how much I really could have hurt him.”

“You’ve been given a gift,” Speed said. “Don’t throw it away again. Now, I’ll wait here while you go in and talk with Alexx. Eric has to get back to work.”

“Thank you,” Mac said. “I’ll try not to take too long.”  
********************

Alexx looked up when the door to her morgue opened. “Detective Taylor,” she said coolly. “What can I do for you?”

“I need your help, Dr. Woods,” Mac said. “I know I don’t have any right to ask you this, but please just hear me out. Speedle mentioned that you’re going to an ME’s conference. Do you know, or know of, Peyton Driscoll?”

“I’ve heard the name,” Alexx said.

“She’s the one I was with when I hurt Horatio,” Mac said. “That night was my fault and I take full responsibility for it. But when I went back to New York to get my affairs in order to move down here for six months she approached me again. I found out that she had seen Horatio in my apartment that night and didn’t say anything because she wanted to hurt him and drive him away so she could have me all to herself. I feel sick, Dr. Woods. Just knowing that Horatio was there hurts me more than I can say, but to know that she saw him and used me like that…I had to throw her out of my office before I hit or killed her.”

Alexx nodded slowly. “I think I see where you’re going with this,” she said. “I make no promises, Detective, but if I happen to run into Dr. Driscoll at the conference, I might have a few words of advice for her. Now, I understand you’re here to court one of my babies.”

“I am,” Mac said. “And I’ve sworn an oath that I won’t hurt him again, Dr. Woods. I love Horatio and I’m willing to take the time to prove it to him.”

“I can see that,” she said. “And he’s talked with all of us about backing down so you’re able to relax a little. Sugar, I gotta tell you that I don’t back down when one of my own is hurt so my conditions still stand.”

Mac smiled. “I wouldn’t have that any other way,” he said. “Thank you for loving Horatio that much. He needs it.”

“I know he does,” Alexx said. “I know he does.”  
********************

That night, Speed dropped Mac off at Horatio’s house with a warning that he would be back around eleven to pick him up. Mac had the box in one hand and wiped the other down his black jeans. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous about a date – maybe back in high school – only none of those mattered nearly as much as the one in front of him.

“Hello Mac,” Horatio said softly when he opened the door.

“Horatio,” Mac smiled. “I brought you something from New York.”

“Thank you,” Horatio said. He stepped back to let his friend into the house. Mac handed over the box and Horatio leaned in to kiss him softly in reply. “Dinner is in the kitchen at the moment, I thought we could eat out on the deck.”

“And listen to the ocean?”

“Yeah.”

“Just tell me what I can do to help,” Mac said. “Did you cook?”

“I don’t cook much, just enough to get by, but there are a few things I do cook very well,” Horatio said. “This is one of my mother’s dishes that she taught me when my father wasn’t home for a week. I think he was probably off drinking and lost track of time, but it was one of the happiest times of my life because I didn’t have to worry.”

Mac sniffed the air as he followed Horatio into the kitchen. “I can’t pick out what it is, but it smells wonderful, Horatio. Do you need me to set out the dishes?”

“No, I already set the deck table,” Horatio said. “We just have to carry the serving dishes outside. And its lamb with rice and a mild curry.”

“That explains why I can’t pick out the meat,” Mac grinned.

When they were settled, Horatio looked over at Mac. “Tell me why you joined the Marines, Mac,” he said softly. “I’ve always been curious about that.”

“It’s all I ever wanted to do,” Mac said. “And I would’ve done anything to be able to join the Corps. And even after the bombing, after seeing my friends die around me, I’ve never been sorry that I became a Marine. Being able to defend my country is important to me and this was the best way for me to do it.”

“I’d forgotten you lived through one of the bombings,” Horatio said. “I won’t ask you for details, Mac, because I know they’ll be painful.”

“No, its okay,” Mac said. “I just haven’t talked about it much with anyone but Don Flack. When we were in the building and the bomb went off, I had flashbacks to that day when the barracks was bombed. Flack’s wound was so much like the one my friend took in the blast, only this time I knew enough to be able to save Flack. After it was all over, I realized that half of what I had been seeing wasn’t really there, that it was all in my mind, and I had to stop and think about a few things. I went through all the required counseling and crap they put you through after a traumatic incident – both times – but I also realized that it never really leaves you. And I can’t help but wonder if soldiers are ticking time-bombs just waiting for the right trigger to explode.”

“But you didn’t,” Horatio said. “You used the bad experience to keep Flack alive and that is what counts, Mac. I suppose we both have our scars to bear.”

“May I?” Mac asked, his hand hovering over Horatio’s.

“Yes.”

“You shouldn’t have your scars, Horatio,” Mac said. “I chose the path that led me to mine. Your father made the choice for you and that wasn’t fair to you or your family. And I’m sorry that I’ve reopened so many of the old wounds.”

Horatio curled his hand around Mac’s. “Maybe it was time,” he whispered. “I don’t know that they ever truly healed because I was always so afraid of them and my reactions that I didn’t want to open up enough to let them heal. I didn’t get a chance to tell you this, but after we spoke on the beach about Hank, that was the first night since he died that I didn’t have a nightmare about him. I think now he can truly rest and move on because I’ve been able to let go. I still blame myself, but the pain isn’t as all powering as it was before.”

“Come dance with me,” Mac said.

“Mac?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Mac grinned. “I’ll even let you lead.”

“I thought the taller partner always led,” Horatio said with a small smile. “You’re not going to let me get too bogged down in memories are you?”

“We do need to talk through our pasts to be able to move forward,” Mac said. “But I don’t want either of us drowning in what we talk about. You need to heal, I need to hear and we both need to move forward. And I’m going to tell you this hundreds of thousands of times; I love you.”

“I know,” Horatio said. He wrapped his arms around Mac and sighed as he felt the warm, familiar body settle against his own. “I love you too.”

The pair swayed gently for a while, the sound of the ocean their music when Horatio suddenly broke the silence. “I never knew you had such an evil streak,” he said softly.

“What?”

“Siccing Alexx on Dr. Driscoll,” Horatio replied. “I agree that she needs to figure out that you’re not interested in her in any way, but that’s just mean.”

“I thought it was appropriate, considering,” Mac said. “How’d you know?”

“I was at the lab when Speed picked you up,” Horatio said. “He called and said you were insistent on talking with Alexx and I was curious on what could’ve been so important – given that she threatened you with her rib cutters last time you were in town. Did Driscoll really see me in the apartment?”

“That’s what she says and I’m inclined to believe her,” Mac sighed. “I was honestly mad enough to kill her, H. When I found out she used me to hurt you like that, I could have killed her. And if she hadn’t left my office when she did, then I might have.”

“I’m glad you didn’t because then I would’ve lost you,” Horatio said. “And I have to admit, I’m looking forward to having Alexx home again to find out exactly what happened at her conference.”

Mac laughed. “Now who has the evil streak?” he asked.

“You,” Horatio replied. He leaned back a little and studied Mac’s face for a moment.

“What?” Mac asked, a little puzzled.

In reply, Horatio leaned in and kissed Mac softly. Mac kept the kiss light on purpose, not wanting to push his inexperienced lover too far, especially with how fragile Horatio’s mindset had been the past few weeks. Horatio made a noise that was half protest and half moan and pressed in a little tighter, lips opening and his tongue running along Mac’s bottom lip. Mac groaned and opened to the invader, meeting it with his own tongue and deepening the kiss and angling his head a little to make it more comfortable for both of them.

But when he felt their cocks starting to take an interest in the proceedings, he pulled back. “No, Horatio,” he panted. “You’re not ready for this. Not yet.”

“I know,” Horatio said. He rested his forehead against Mac’s for a moment. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to though. Because I really, really do.”

“Use what I taught you when you go to bed tonight,” Mac said. “Come on, let’s clean up our mess from dinner and watch a movie before Speedle gets here. I promise we’ll get back to where we were, Horatio. But we’re moving slowly this time. I refuse to hurt you again – for any reason.”


	13. Chapter 13

When Mac arrived at Horatio’s house the next evening along with pizza and a movie Horatio had mentioned wanting to see, he was concerned to find that his lover wasn’t at home. Even more concerning was the fact that the front door was unlocked. With a frown, Mac took out his cell phone and dialed Speed’s number.

“Speedle.”

“Is Horatio still at the lab?” Mac asked as he put the pizza in the oven. 

“No, he took off a couple of hours ago,” Speed replied.

“Well he’s not home and his door was unlocked,”   
Mac said. “Do you have any idea where he might be?”

“He didn’t say anything to me,” Speed said. “Hang on a second, hey Delko, did H mention anything to you about plans for the night?”

Mac wasn’t sure exactly where Delko was standing but he was able to hear the younger man’s answer. “No, but he had me do the final interview in our case today,” he said.

“Well that’s strange,” Speed commented.

“Not really, the guy beat his wife and five year old son to death.”

“And you didn’t think it was important to tell me this?” Speed asked. “You are so sleeping in the garage tonight, Delko. Mac, Horatio has probably taken off for the beach. There’s one he favors, even if he won’t admit to it. I’m going to come pick you up and we’ll find him.”

“How badly do you think he’s hurting right now?” Mac asked.

“Bad,” Speed replied. “With the wounds he’s hidden for so many years open again, this might be enough to make him do something drastic. Delko, you are so dead when I get back.”  
********************

Mac was waiting on the sidewalk when Speed pulled up in one of the department Hummers. “I would’ve brought my bike, but I thought this would be faster,” Speed said. “I don’t know how this one got past me, Mac. I really don’t.”

“It’s not your fault and don’t be too hard on Eric,” Mac replied. “Horatio’s had a lot of old nightmares and wounds opened recently and he’s going to react to things differently that he has been in the past.”

“I know, that doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Speed said.

“Speed, I’m going to stay in Horatio’s guest room tonight,” Mac said. “I don’t care if he likes the idea or not, he’s going to be having bad nightmares and I want to be there to wake him up.”

Speed sighed. “You’re right, I don’t like it but you’re right,” he said. “Normally I’d be the one to stay with him after a case like this. But I think you’re the best one to do it this time. I really do.”

“I’m not going to do anything,” Mac said. “Except maybe hold him if he starts crying or needs some physical comfort, like a hug.”

“What if he wants more?” Speed asked. “He’s learned about sex now. It’s possible that he knows it’s a good way to forget certain things.”

“Tim, he probably wouldn’t want anyone knowing this, but he’s still a virgin, technically,” Mac said, flushing a little red. “I’ve never been able to get more than one finger into his body; Horatio’s nerves are still too tense for that. And I’m certainly not going to attempt to penetrate him when he’s recovering from a child abuse/murder case because that’s now what he needs.”

“Good,” Speed said. “He’s already hurting enough; I don’t think he needs the physical ache added to it. Not to mention I think he’ll want a couple of days off if, when you guys do get that far. Horatio doesn’t want the lab to know about his personal life if he can avoid it.”

“I thought your whole team knew about this situation already,” Mac said. He sighed in relief when he caught sight of another Hummer.

“They do, but we don’t gossip,” Speed said. “The lab techs do and they’re the ones we really want to keep out of his life.”

“As I said before, I really wish my team was as dedicated to me as you all are to Horatio,” Mac said.

“Oh yeah, about that; Danny called and said that Stella said to tell you that if you mess up again, don’t bother coming home,” Speed said.

Mac turned around and looked at Speed over the top of his sunglasses. “I already told you, Speed,” he said. “I’ll kill myself if I hurt Horatio again. I’ll call you when I have him home. Don’t be too hard on Eric.”

“I’ll try,” Speed said. “But there are days he likes things a little hard.”

“More than I wanted or needed to know,” Mac smiled. He shut the Hummer door and looked out towards the beach. It was fairly deserted with a pier extending out into the water. Off to the right, sitting on the sand was Horatio. He was still in his suit, but he had his shoes off and it looked like he had his feet buried in the sand. His knees were up with his arms braced on his knees, chin on his arms looking out at the water. Mac sighed softly and made his way as quietly as he could through the sand and sat down next to his lover.

He took his shoes and socks off, put them to the side and mirrored Horatio’s posture almost perfectly, not speaking. Mac wanted Horatio to know that he was there to offer him both silent and, eventually, verbal support. 

“What are you doing here, Mac?” Horatio eventually asked quietly.

“Sitting next to someone I love,” Mac replied just as softly.

“I came here because I wanted to be alone,” Horatio said.

“There are times when you shouldn’t be alone,” Mac said, not looking over at his lover. “I’m happy to sit here as long as you want to, H. And we can do it in silence too, but I’m not going to leave you alone. Delko told me what happened.”

Horatio took off his sunglasses and rested his forehead on his folded arms. “I could see myself in him, Mac,” he said. “And my father in the suspect. I wanted to shoot him in the interrogation room, which is why I sent Eric in to do the final interview. I didn’t trust myself. Is it going to get so bad that I can’t do my job any more?”

“No,” Mac said. “Because I know that you were close by even though it was Eric doing the interrogation. And you would have stepped in the moment he needed you, no matter how much it hurt you personally. You take care of you people and help the victim far more than your duties require, Horatio. You know that.”

“I should have been strong enough to face him,” Horatio said.

“We all have demons, Horatio,” Mac said. He shifted closer and let his shoulder and arm press in against his lover’s. “I can’t interview men who have killed Marines because they’ve attacked a brother of mine. Danny can’t interview child rapists. I learned that one the hard way when he almost threw the suspect through the window into the viewing room. It doesn’t mean you’re weak and that’s why we have a team rather than working all alone, so we can play off of each other’s strengths and support each other when they feel they’re not right for a job.”

“A supervisor has to be able to do everything,” Horatio insisted.

Mac bit back a sigh. He’d forgotten exactly how stubborn his lover could be at times. It had to be the red hair. “A supervisor has to use their best tools to get the job done correctly,” he said. Mac shifted around a little and ended up with his arm around Horatio’s waist; hand resting in the sand next to Horatio’s right hip.

“I don’t want to be touched right now,” Horatio said twisting away.

“Horatio,” Mac sighed. “Hiding isn’t going to make this any better or any easier.”

“I’m not hiding and I’m not sulking,” Horatio said as he stood up suddenly.

“No one said anything about sulking,” Mac said. He grabbed Horatio’s hand and pulled his lover back down to the sand before he could stalk off down the beach. “And you’re not going to stalk off on me, Horatio. Come on, I know you love the beach, but let’s go back to your house and sit out on your deck. It’s less public and you can yell at me all you want there. How does that sound?”

“Why would I yell at you?” Horatio asked, puzzled.

“You need to yell at someone,” Mac replied. “And I won’t take it personally. Come on, Horatio. Are you okay to drive or do you need me to do it?”

“I’m fine, I always am,” Horatio said.

Mac raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. But he picked up his shoes and socks and followed Horatio back to the parking lot and the Hummer.  
********************

When they got back to Horatio’s house, Mac followed his lover inside and then stood in the living room and just watched as Horatio vanished into the back of the house. He sighed when he heard the water running and sank down on the sofa. Mac really needed to know exactly what Horatio’s father had done to him as a kid and they needed to get the festering poison of the abuse out so Horatio could start healing from it. He just wasn’t sure the best way to go about it. Mac didn’t even think about calling Stella or Danny and asking to get copies of the police reports because he still remembered Horatio’s reaction to the thought that Mac was digging into his personal life.

Mac wondered if maybe he should suggest, or insist, that Horatio see a professional to talk about his childhood and the abuse he suffered at his father’s hand. He remembered that Horatio’s nightmares about Hank had stopped after they had talked about the firefighter and Mac’s hope at the time had been that by talking through his past, he could help Horatio move past everything and heal. But now he was really wondering if he’d be able to help Horatio enough. If he was strong enough to hold them both up through the process, take the burden of keeping their relationship from foundering under the stress of a ghost from Horatio’s past – a serious problem that needed to be dealt with – and still be able to show Horatio the love and tenderness he needed through it all.

He ran his hands through his hair and glanced at his watch. Horatio had been in the shower an awfully long time and while Mac didn’t want to violate his lover’s privacy, he needed to make sure that Horatio was okay. So he pushed up off the sofa and made his way into the back of the house. The door to the bathroom was shut so Mac tapped on it before nudging it open. “Horatio?”

“Go away,” Horatio said, his voice smaller and sadder than Mac could ever remember hearing it before.

“Not this time,” Mac said. He reached in and turned off the water before pulling the shower curtain back. Horatio was sitting on the floor of the shower, his arms wrapped back around his legs and his head down. “Come on, H. Let’s get you out and dried off.”

“I don’t want to fall asleep,” Horatio muttered as he let Mac help him to his feet.

“What if I’m there with you?” Mac asked. He wrapped a towel around Horatio’s waist and grabbed another to start drying the other man off with. “Just to hold you through the nightmares. I’ll keep watch for a while, Horatio. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Thank you,” Horatio whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

Mac got Horatio dried off and into bed, although it took some convincing to get him into an old pair of sweatpants to sleep in. Mac knew that Horatio normally slept in his boxers, but thought the comfort from the sweats would help him sleep a little easier. "Do you want some warm milk or hot chocolate, Horatio?" he asked tucking his lover in. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I just don't want to be alone right now," Horatio replied. "Tim's letting you stay?"

"He trusts me not to try anything," Mac said. He started to get undressed. "Do you?"

"Mac, how...."

"Don't even, Horatio Caine, you know exactly how I can ask that question," Mac said. "You're hurting badly right now and I know that so many nightmares from your past have come back to you, but I need to know that you're comfortable having me in the bed with you. If you're not, then I'll go get an extra blanket and a chair to sit with you tonight. I'm not going to leave you alone, but I need to know that you're okay with having me in here with you."

Horatio sighed. "I'm sorry, Mac," he said.

"Sorry for what, Horatio?" Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and caught Horatio's hand with his own.

"For being such a mess," Horatio said. 

"You're not a mess, Horatio," Mac said. "No, listen to me for a minute, H. How many children have you helped who have been raised in abusive homes? A dozen, two dozen, more? You make sure that they don't have to deal with the lingering questions brought on by the abuse because you know what they've lived through and you know how to help them improve. Did you have anyone do that for you?"

"No. Not until you came into my life."

"I'm doing everything I can to help you, Horatio," Mac said. "I love you so much that I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. Every single part of you is wonderful to me, and the only thing I would change is how your father treated you. No one deserves to have a childhood like you did."

Horatio looked at their hands. "I've tried to talk to professionals about this, Mac," he said softly. "I had to initially, the court ordered me to. It didn't help because they didn't understand what I'd lived through. It's hard enough to talk about being abused, but I could always see pity in their eyes. Pity and no understanding." He looked up. "I've never seen that in your eyes, Mac."

"Oh, H," Mac said. "I have never pitied you and if the doctors you were talking to did then they need to go back and relearn how to handle patients because that's something they shouldn't be showing during a therapy session. It's unprofessional. What about talking with Tim and Alexx? Does that help?"

"A little, but even Tim doesn't know everything," Horatio said. "Mac, could I have a hug, please?"

"Sure, come here." Mac moved up so his back was against the headboard and pulled Horatio in tight. "I love you, Horatio Caine. I think a weaker man would have broken by now. You've been able to keep going. So strong, H. So very strong."

"Strong men don't break down crying in their showers," Horatio said.

"Of course they do," Mac said softly. "They break down behind closed doors because they're strong enough to face anything in public no matter how much they're screaming in public. They put themselves back together in private and if that means crying or having a breakdown, then that's what they do. The strongest men are the ones who admit they can be weak and ask for help, Horatio."

"Really?" Horatio asked.

Mac had a feeling that Horatio was remembering something his father had likely yelled at him at some point and less common sense or what Horatio himself believed, but he wasn't going to call his lover on it. Not when he was already feeling so fragile from the day he'd faced. "Really," he said. "I know you said you didn't want to fall asleep, Horatio. Do you want to just talk for a bit? I promised Tim I'd let him know when we got home."

"Was he mad?" Horatio asked, looking up.

"At Eric, yeah, but I told him to take it easy because you're going through a lot of things right now," Mac said. 

"That's what I would have told him too," Horatio said. "You'd better let him know we're home or he'll come over and check on me."

"He wanted to," Mac said. He stretched out and caught Horatio's cell phone from the bedside table. "He said that normally he'd be here, and if you want him to be, then I'll tell him and you know he'll come over."

"No, he needs to be with Eric," Horatio said. "You feel safer than he does, Mac."

Mac grinned. "I'm not telling him that."

"I wouldn't either," Horatio murmured. When Mac looked down, he saw that Horatio had fallen asleep. He flipped open the phone and sent Speed a text message rather than calling because he didn't want to risk waking his lover up. Mac knew that they were in for a long, rough night.


	15. Chapter 15

"You look like hell," Speed said when Mac opened the front door the next morning.

Mac snorted and stepped back to let the younger man into the house. "They warned me you were sarcastic, Tim, but they never said anything about you being blunt," he said. 

"I don't think sugar coating helps anything," Speed said. "Where's Horatio?"

"On the beach watching the ocean," Mac sighed. "I think he slept maybe an hour last night with all the nightmares and trying to get him to go back to sleep after I got him calmed back down again."

"So you didn't even get that, did you?" Speed asked. "Go take a nap and I'll sit with Horatio for a couple of hours. We'll wake you up for lunch."

"Thanks, Tim," Mac said.

"Least I could do," Speed said. He went out onto the deck and down onto the beach. "Hey."

"Tim."

"I'm sorry about yesterday, H, it got by me somehow," Speed said, sitting down next to his friend. "Without Alexx giving me a heads-up, I had no idea what sort of case you and Delko pulled, and he didn't think he needed to tell me about it."

Horatio glanced over. "You had your own case, Tim."

"Yeah, and I still could have taken fifteen minutes to come stand in the observation room with you while Delko was doing the final interview," Speed said. "Hell, I was waiting on a couple of tests, it wouldn't have hurt anything to have me there with you."

"I thought I could handle it," Horatio admitted. "I have in the past."

Speed snorted. "In the past you weren't baring your soul to your lover," he said. "H, talking about things will only help you move forward and I'm all for it, but you've got to be willing to give us a heads-up when there could be a problem. Don't feel like you have to handle anything. Would you let me walk into an interview with a rape victim?"

"Of course not."

"So why should this be any different?"

"That's what Mac said."

"Y'know, I was all set to hate the guy, and then I met him, and he's great," Speed said. "He's smart and he has good instincts and he loves you. Mac's pretty much what I would have picked for you, H, if I'd been trying to fix you up with someone. Yeah, he slipped, but he's making up for it and that's more than most people would do."

Horatio rested his head on his arms. "I'm not as confused as I was, Tim," he said. "Having Mac with me last night, nothing that happened drove him away. Not even when I accidentally hit him in the nose during a nightmare. He was right there every time and I feel horrible because I don't think he slept at all."

"I sent him for a nap before I came out here," Speed said. "Horatio, Mac and I both love you and we'll do anything for you. Yeah, the type of love is different, but we both love you. We're here to help you however we can, and Mac knew what he was facing last night. There wasn't anywhere else he wanted to be but next to you to help you battle through the nightmares."

"That's what's killed the confusion," Horatio said. "I don't know about trusting him if he moves back up to New York, that might take longer to work back to, but I think I'm ready to go forward with him again."

"You aren't going to throw sex into the mix this soon, are you?" Speed asked, trying to sound stern.

Horatio choked. Speed sighed and started laughing. "Sorry, H, I shouldn't have just thrown that at you," he said, patting Horatio on the back. "It's a fair question though."

"I don't think Mac would let me," Horatio managed, trying to catch his breath. "He's really asleep?"

"Probably dead to the world. I told him we'd wake him for lunch," Speed said. "Don't even think it, H. You're totally worth every minute of it and none of us would change a thing about you. Well, unless it was possible to go back in time and save you from your bastard of a father."

"Sort of what Mac said too," Horatio said, glancing over at Speed.

Speed beat his head against his folded arms. "He's going to end up one of my best friends at this rate," he muttered. "Come on, you, kitchen. We can make something for lunch that'll take a few hours to cook. Mac needs to get caught up on his sleep because I have a feeling you are going to turn into a handful."

"Tim, thanks for being here," Horatio said. "How's Eric?"

"He slept in the garage last night," Speed said. He stood and pulled Horatio to his feet. "I'm thinking about buying a dog house for nights like these."

"Tim, you are very weird," Horatio said with a smile.

"Yeah, I know," Speed replied. "Eric knew what he was getting into with me. I'll forgive him when I go home and he'll make it up to me. Come on, food is calling our names. Lets go destroy the kitchen again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone, for you patience in waiting for updates on my stories. I've been finishing up a novel that will be available on amazon soon. If you've read my Dragon Chronicles, you saw that I have a dragon novel as well. The first one is available on amazon, and the one I just finished writing (and am editing) is the sequel to it.
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Lexxie-Scott/e/B00BHME9QQ
> 
> That's the link to my author page. All books are available in both paperback and e-book format.


	16. Chapter 16

Mac woke up when the smell of lunch reached back into the bedroom. He stretched and debated trying to go back to sleep, knowing that he was facing another long night with Horatio, but figured that eating was probably the better option. He detoured into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and then headed out into the kitchen. "Are we expecting company?" he asked, looking at the food on the counters.

"Nah, most of this is to freeze," Speed replied. "I worry about Horatio eating when I can't keep an eye on him, and there's not much he enjoys cooking for himself, so I thought I'd go ahead and make up a few things as long as I was here. Horatio Caine, get away from those cookies."

"One cookie will not stop me eating my lunch, Tim," Horatio said, but he moved away with a sigh. "Mac, were you able to sleep?"

"Yep. I'm good at napping," Mac said. "You get a lot of practice in the military. So, what can I help with?"

Speed pointed at three plates. "You and Horatio can carry those and drinks out onto the back deck," he said. "I'm going to finish up this roast and put it into bake and then I'll join you."

Horatio pulled down a tray and put the drinks and forks on it, along with one plate. "Can you get those, Mac?" he asked.

"Yep, right behind you," Mac said. He followed Horatio out onto the back deck and the table with the umbrella already open. "How are you feeling, Horatio?"

"Less like I'm going to fly apart and more like I'm going to cry," Horatio said softly, "if that even makes sense."

"Of course it does." Mac put his things down and went over, wrapping Horatio in a hug. "You are allowed to have emotions all over the place for as long as you need to. No one ever said that talking about events you've kept buried for years would be easy, and it'll take time for you to feel more you. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

"Mac, what happens when you have to go back to work?" Horatio asked. "When we're in two different cities again."

"I told you, Horatio, that if this works out between us, I would move down here for good," Mac replied softly. "The only reason I put a time limit on it was because you weren't sure what you wanted from me and I didn't want to have no job to go back to if things didn't work out. Do you see what I'm saying?"

Horatio pulled back enough that he was able to look down into Mac's eyes. "You would really give up your lab, your city, to move down here with me?" he asked.

"In a heartbeat if you'll have me," Mac said.

Horatio teared up and buried his face against Mac's neck. "I think that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me," he muttered.

"I love you, Horatio, and I want to spend the rest of my life tell you that," Mac said, rubbing Horatio's back. He caught sight of Speed watching them from the kitchen and nodded, letting the other man know he could join them if they wanted. "I'd be happy to never leave your side again."

Speed slipped out quietly and sat down at the table. "Just when I'm determined to hate him," he sighed.

"You have every right to hate me, Tim," Mac started.

"Yeah, you're right, but you keep showing me that it's also wrong," Speed interrupted. "Horatio, your pasta is getting cold."

"You are the ultimate cynic, Tim Speedle," Horatio said. He pulled back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "One of these days I will find something to put you in a good mood."

Speed snorted. "Never going to happen," he said. "Mac, if you did move down here, what would you do with yourself?"

Mac sat across from Speed, leaving Horatio to pick where he wanted to sit. "I don't know. Consult, work for the lab, or I could become a recruiter for the Corps," he said. "That would take more commitment from me than I might be willing to give right now though. I'd find something to keep me busy."

"Or someone?"

Horatio flushed red. "Tim!"

"It's a fair comment, Horatio," Speed said. "I'm not teasing you, I'm serious. That's something you have to consider if Mac moves down here."

"We'll take it one day at a time, Horatio," Mac said. "Don't feel pressured to make any choices now. You have all the time in the world to think about what you want. I'll be here to support you no matter what."


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, come here for a minute," Mac said later that night when they were alone. He patted the sofa cushion next to him. "I think Tim brought up a point today that we need to talk about."

"Do we have to?" Horatio asked. He sat down next to his lover, his face already flushed a light pink.

"I just want you to know something, Horatio," Mac replied. "Tim's right that sex is part of a relationship, but he's thinking about a relationship between more experienced people. I don't care how long it takes for you to be comfortable in bed again, Horatio. The important thing to me right now is getting you through the crisis I've thrown you into."

Horatio leaned against Mac with a sigh. "I think we're both a fault, Mac," he said. 

"No, not for this, Horatio. I was stupid, I made a choice without thinking about how it would impact anyone else and I hurt you," Mac said. "That's something I will never forgive myself for. You told me about your past, enough for me to know that you had a horrible time growing up and my cheating on you has brought so many bad things up in your mind. I know you're strong enough to get through this and I'm awed that you trust me enough to let me back by your side."

"It wasn't fair of Tim to just bring it up like that at the dinner table though," Horatio said. "I do want to get back to that point with you, Mac. I still want to feel everything you can teach me, but I'm scared. When I saw you in your apartment with Peyton, you were using some of the same things you had done with me and it made me question everything. I can't promise that I'm not going to be jumpy, Mac, but I'm trying so hard."

"I know you are, and I understand," Mac said. "I will happily spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, Horatio. I suppose the point I was trying to make here is do not worry about sex and sexual contact right now. You get to bring it up when you're comfortable bringing it up. If that takes years, then I'm fine with that."

"It's not fair for me to make you go that long without sex, Mac," Horatio said.

Mac tilted Horatio's head up. "Hey, you do not get to fall into the mindset that if I'm not sleeping with you, I'm going to cheat on you," he said. "I know that's what I showed you, but I swear to you, Horatio Caine, I will shoot myself dead before I touch another person like that again. You, with these remarkable blue eyes and soft red hair, you are all I want in my life. I I have to be next to you every second of every day for you to trust me again, Horatio, then I will do that. We can do whatever it will take to get you to trust me again, understand?"

"I'm sorry I keep going in circles like this, Mac," Horatio said. "It's not really fair to you at all."

"The only thing not fair is what I did to you, Horatio. No one should ever be treated like that and it makes me sick that I did it to you." Mac sighed. "We're going to keep going back and forth on this for a while, love. We might even get to the point where we have to agree to disagree on things to be able to move forward. I still stand by my original thought though, and that is there is no pressure for you to sleep with me sexually. We can talk about it as much as you need to when you're feeling more you."

"I don't think I need you glued to me, Mac," Horatio said. "It'll make it hard to work. I would like to have you here when I come home though. I guess it didn't really register when you said it before, that you would be willing to move down here to be with me. No one has ever cared about me enough to do something like that."

"I love you, Horatio, and I will do whatever it takes to prove that," Mac said. "Whatever you need me to do, I'll do."


	18. Chapter 18

The pair had another rough night, but Horatio insisted on going to work the next day. He told Mac to stay at the house and make himself at home, that he'd go by Speed's place after work and get Mac's things. Mac wasn't happy, but didn't want to push Horatio, so he sent a text to Speed letting him know about the rough night, kissed Horatio good-bye, and went back to bed.

His phone woke him up just short of noon. "Taylor."

"Hey Mac, I didn't wake you, did I?"

"I think I was sort of awake, Danny, what's up?" Mac asked. He pushed up in bed and rubbed his eyes.

"Just wanted to let you know that Driscoll got back from whatever conference she was at, resigned and went back to England," Danny said. "I dunno what happened to her while she was gone, but I've never seen no one that pale before."

Mac snorted. "I think that Peyton might have run into the ME from Horatio's lab," he said. "Alexx Woods can put Stella to shame when it comes to mothering, Danny. Alexx has also threatened to castrate me with her rib cutters if I hurt Horatio again."

"Wow," Danny said, the wince visible in the words, "sounds like a woman you don't want to mess with."

"Exactly, and I told her that Peyton knew Horatio was in my apartment that night and used me to hurt him," Mac said.

"Revenge by proxy, Mac?" Danny asked with a grin.

"I had more important things to worry about than her," Mac replied. "It sounds like Alexx was able to find her at the conference. I'll have to remember to thank her next time I'm down there."

"So if you ain't at the lab, where are you?"

"Right now, at Horatio's house," Mac said. "He's at work and I'm enjoying the beach that's just off his deck."

"Everything going okay?" Danny said.

Mac shut the door behind him and sank into one of the deck loungers. "I think so, but it's hard to tell," he said. "We've had a couple of breakthroughs, but there's still so much to work through. It's definitely going to take six months, if not longer for me to fix all the problems I've caused."

"You still serious about moving down there for good?" Danny asked.

"I am, but Horatio is still healing and I won't know if he wants me to for a couple more months," Mac replied. "I know he wants to have me with him, but thinking about something and confronting the reality of it are two different things."

"You've got that right," Danny said. "All right, I'll let Stella know you're alive and healthy. I think she's been worried that Speed's killed you in the night and just not told anyone yet."

"Speed and I are working out our differences," Mac said. "I don't blame him for hating me. He was protecting Horatio and that's the most important thing for me. All I can do, Danny, is take things one day at a time."

"Yep. Okay, I gotta go, just got a slip," Danny said. "Talk to you later. You take care, yeah?"

"You too, Danny. Be safe in the field." Mac closed his phone and leaned back with a sigh.

"Danny?"

"Damn it, Horatio, how did you sneak up on me?" Mac asked, laughing. He sat up and turned to face his lover. "You're good."

Horatio smiled and took off his sunglasses. "Practice at the lab," he said. "How's Danny doing?"

"He's good. He called to tell me that Peyton has gone back to England rather abruptly, never to return," Mac said. 

"That might explain why Alexx is in such a good mood today," Horatio said. He sat down next to Mac. "My team ran me off, saying things were slow enough that I should come home and show you around Miami. Is that something you'd like to do, Mac?"

"Sure, it sounds like fun," Mac said. "Let me get dressed though. I don't think anyone else would appreciate my ratty Marine sweats."

"I'll be waiting," Horatio said with a smile.


	19. Chapter 19

"Is there anything specific you wanted to talk about, Horatio, or are we just enjoying the afternoon?" Mac asked, eyes taking in the city. He was good at mental mapping and he wanted to be able to get around Miami quickly if he had to for any reason.

"I have so many bad memories that I've locked away, Mac, I don't know if we could talk about them if we took the rest of our lives," Horatio replied. "There is something I've hinted at, but haven't known how to bring up. I guess I hoped if I dropped enough hints someone would figure it out."

Mac reached over and squeezed Horatio's arm softly. "We just don't have all the pieces, H," he said. "You're the only one that does, but if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

"I think this is where a lot of my trust issues ultimately stem from though," Horatio said. "You said you saw about Raymond in the newspapers."

"Which I shouldn't have been reading," Mac said. "I just wasn't sure how else to go about it, Horatio. I never pulled the old police reports, not even after I found out there were some."

"I have copies if you're curious about them," Horatio said. "My parents were both very dark in hair and eyes. My grandfather had blond hair and blue eyes, and so did a number of my uncles, but I'm the only one in the family with red hair. I'm still not sure, but I have my doubts about my true parentage. There's no one to ask, now, and no way to check, but I've long suspected that was one reason my father beat me as badly as he did. Mom too, but never Raymond. He looked just like our father, down to the nose once he grew up. Dad never once touched Raymond, not for anything. When my dog was killed, I think that Raymond left the trash out on purpose because it was his week to be doing it, and he knew that the dog liked to get in there and eat scraps. I just could never prove anything."

Mac held back a wince, wondering if the younger brother could have been responsible for some of Horatio's beating. "You think that Raymond spied on you, H?"

"I think he's ultimately the reason Hank died, Mac," Horatio said softly. He pulled into a parking lot and looked out at the ocean in front of them. "That night is burned into my memory, Mac, but the one thing I have never been able to work out is how my father figured out how much time I was spending down in Hank's apartment working on homework or just talking. Mom didn't care where I was as long as I could get home quickly when my father shouted for me for any reason. There was no one else in our building that would talk with my father for any reason. A fair number of them were scared of him. Rightly so, but there's no one else."

"What happened when your father died, Horatio?" Mac asked.

Horatio sighed. "Raymond quit talking to me for close onto two years," he said. "Then he suddenly turned up down here in Miami on the force. I hadn't known he was coming down here, that he was going to join the police department. Everyone thinks I blame myself for Raymond's death, Mac. The guilt I feel is at how relieved I am that he can't spy on me anymore."

"Come here," Mac said. He pulled Horatio into an awkward hug. "I've got you."

"Thank you," Horatio said softly.

"Do you want to go sit on the beach, H?" Mac asked. "We could go wading."

"You just want to see me wet," Horatio muttered against Mac's neck.

"Busted," Mac said with a soft smile. "Seriously, Horatio, I think it'd do you some good to walk on the beach a little bit."

Horatio pulled back and wiped his eyes. "Okay," he said. "We can't wade here though, the rocks are too sharp and slippery."

"It's still the ocean."

"That it is," Horatio said. He turned off the Hummer and slipped the keys into his pocket. "There's a little more to it, Mac. Raymond married another detective and they had a son. You wouldn't believe how closely I watched over that little boy to be sure that there were never any unexplained bruises or injuries."

"Were there?"

"No." Horatio took the offered hand and they started down the beach away from the rocks, walking slowly. "No, Raymond might have inherited our father's temper, but he never struck his family. Ray, the son, has been having problems at school since his father died, but there's only so much I can do."

"He's lucky to have you in his life in any way, Horatio," Mac said. He flinched when a rock hit his shoulder. "H."

"Yeah." Horatio and Mac turned around and found a group of young teens, boys and girls, each holding rocks. "Can we help you?" Horatio asked.

"You're disgusting," one of the girls yelled, throwing a rock at Horatio's head.

He ducked it easily and shifted his weight, pushing his jacket back enough that his badge was visible. "You do not want to do that again," Horatio said softly. "Put the rocks down now and I'll only be speaking with your parents about this."

Mac had pulled out his cell phone and was taking pictures of the group when a rock hit his hand. "I think, Horatio, that we might have to make some arrests here," he said, starting towards the group. "You go right, I'll go left."

"That sounds like a very good idea," Horatio said.

The group of kids tried to break and scatter, but Horatio and Mac were faster and caught six of the ten that had been facing them. For some reason he wouldn't explain, Horatio had zip ties in his jacket pocket and they were able to use those to secure the kids to each other while they waited for back-up. Mac had just finished putting the last tie in place when he caught the look on Horatio's face.

Horatio sighed. "I'm very disappointed in you, Raymond Caine Jr," he said softly. "I thought your mother taught you better than this."

"I'm sorry, Uncle Horatio," the young man, Ray, said.

"You threw a rock at someone very important to me, Ray," Horatio said. "That is assault and it will go on your record. There's nothing I can do to change that now."

"Your nephew?" Mac asked.

"My nephew who will soon be doing a fair amount of community service if I have anything to say about it," Horatio replied. "It seems to me that he has far too much free time on his hands right now."


	20. Chapter 20

"Here's an ice pack, Mac," Horatio said softly. "Do we need to go and get your hand x-rayed?"

"I don't think so, but I'll let you know," Mac said. He put the ice pack on his hand and hissed. "I've lived through bomb blasts and didn't hurt this much. Have the parents started showing up?"

Horatio sat down next to his lover with a sigh. "They have and the kids are denying any wrong-doing," he said. "I've spoken with the district attorney because every one of the kids, except Ray, have previous arrests for vandalism and minor assault, and he's willing to talk with the court about community service, but doesn't think we'll be able to go to trial because there are no witnesses."

"There's one, but he's not going to go against his friends, no matter what," Mac said.

"Exactly." Horatio looked over. "That's my sister-in-law, Yelina. Hang on. Yelina."

"Ray has something to say to you both, Horatio," Yelina said.

Ray looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry for throwing the rock at you, Detective Taylor," he said. "It was wrong and I shouldn't have done it."

"Why did you, Ray?" Mac asked. "If you knew it was wrong, why did you do it?"

"Because I wanted to fit in," Ray replied.

"Horatio, I'm backing the charges going onto Ray's record because he was trying to get involved in a gang and I'm shocked he would do something like that," Yelina said. "I'm going to cut back my hours at work so I can keep an eye on him, but was wondering if you could help out on weekends when you're not working."

"Of course, and I'll be happy to do it," Horatio said. "Ray, you should know that I'm very disappointed in you. Your mother raised you better than this and you should know that violence is not an answer for anything, especially for belonging in a group. How did you not know it was me before the first rock was thrown?"

Ray didn't look up. "I had a feeling it was you, but no one would listen to me," he said. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, Uncle Horatio."

"I think you'll be more sorry once you find out how much community service you're going to be receiving for this, Ray," Horatio said. "You were involved in an assault on two police officers. That one of them is out of his jurisdiction doesn't matter in this case, because Mac isn't working. He is a policeman and he is a Marine. Do you know what that means?"

"Yes, Sir. It means that Detective Taylor has served in the military to help keep our country safe," Ray said.

"Exactly. He was at a post when it was bombed by the enemy, Ray," Horatio said. "He almost died that day. He is a decorated veteran and you threw a rock at him. How are you better than those that attack the weak, Ray?"

"I'm not," Ray said.

Horatio nodded. "All right, as long as you understand that you are in serious trouble here, I think that Mac has something to say to you."

"Ray, I accept your apology," Mac said. "It takes courage to admit that you are in the wrong and face the victims of what you did. Take this as a lesson, Ray, and stay away from kids that want to use violence. They're not good influences, and they're certainly not good friends."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you," Ray said.

"Go wait at my desk," Yelina said. She sat down next to Horatio with a sigh. "There are days when I think he's too much like his father, Horatio. Mac, this isn't the introduction I would have picked for us. It's a pleasure to meet you, and welcome to the family." She smiled at their obvious shock. "Ray told me you were holding hands on the beach, that's why they decided to attack you. I'll talk with him tonight. Ray might be willing to talk with the judge and implicate the others that were with him."

"Don't push too hard," Horatio said. "We managed to keep him out of the gang this time, Yelina, but there's always next time."

"Tell me about it," she sighed. "He's grounded for the next few months, so that will let me keep an eye on him. Thanks for the help, and I hope your hand is better soon, Mac. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you out."

"Thank you, Yelina," Mac said with a small smile.

She nodded. "All right, I'm going to take him home and I think he's going to be trimming the hedges tonight," Yelina said. "I'll talk to you both later."

Mac looked over at Horatio when they were alone again. "That really wasn't what I was expecting to have happen."

"Me neither," Horatio admitted. "Come on, let's get the final paperwork done and head home. I just want to sleep for a bit."


	21. Chapter 21

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mac asked once the pair was back at Horatio's house. Horatio had showered and was curled up under the blankets. Mac was lying next to him on top of the covers. "There's something bothering you, H. I can tell."

Horatio smiled. "I didn't think it was that obvious," he said. "Yelina's comment about Ray being too much like his father. How do I tell her that she's wrong?"

"I don't know," Mac said. "Do you see much of your brother in Ray?"

"Not really, but that's not a surprise given how young Ray was when Raymond died," Horatio said. He moved over and sighed. "Would you join me under here, Mac? I want to cuddle."

"Sure," Mac said softly. It took a bit of untangling, Horatio had tried to nest, but he was finally able to slip under the blankets with his lover and wrapped the red head in a hug. "That okay?"

"Yeah," Horatio sighed, resting his head on Mac's chest. "I realized something today, Mac. Watching you on the beach, I finally understood what you and Tim have been trying to tell me. Strength isn't always about being stubborn."

Mac chuckled. "I know it's hard, Horatio," he said. "Sometimes stepping back and letting others take charge for anything is the hardest thing you can do, but think about how it is when you turn a new CSI loose on their first case. You're there to help, but you're letting them take charge for the first time."

"I'm not sure how I managed to lose track of that," Horatio admitted. "I think I was trying to prove something to myself, Mac, and I only ended up hurting myself worse. Thanks for being so patient with me while I worked things out."

"It's my pleasure," Mac said. "I love you so much, Horatio Caine. I'm honored you're letting me see so much of you."

Horatio shifted so he could meet Mac's eyes. "I want forever, Mac," he said. "I know I still have a long way to go, a lot of past that I buried away to try to forget about it, but I'd like to have you there with me."

"Is it sad that my first response is wondering what your team is going to say?" Mac asked.

"Given what they've said to you, no," Horatio replied. "Do I take that as a yes, Detective?"

"Of course it's a yes," Mac said with a fond smile. "We just need to work out what I'm going to do for work down here. Stella and Danny will be able to run the New York lab without trouble. I don't even have to go back up, just call and they'll have my things packed up and sent down if you're sure about this, Horatio. It's only been a few weeks."

"A few weeks when I've been happier than I can remember being," Horatio said. "Mac, I don't know when I'll be ready for more from you, no matter how much Tim teases, but I want to know that I've got you to come home to. I think that, more than anything, will help me heal."

Mac pressed a kiss to the top of Horatio's head. "I'll give Danny a call in the morning," he said. "I think, Horatio, that we need to think about dinner before we go to sleep for the night. You know that Tim would have a few choice things to say if we skip a meal."

"Yes he would," Horatio chuckled. "I'm also wondering how we got here from talking about Ray Jr."

"You know what I think, H?"

"What?"

"Telling me about your fears surrounding your brother released something that was knotted down deep inside of you," Mac said. "Being able to confide your deepest fear, the one that so many others stemmed from, has let you feel safer than you have in years."

"That makes sense," Horatio said, resting his head back on Mac's chest. "I still have a lot to tell you about."

Mac smiled fondly. "I'll be right here whenever you need to talk, Horatio," he said.


	22. Chapter 22

Mac had just put the phone down after arranging with Danny to have his apartment packed up and shipped to Miami when he heard a dry voice behind him. "One more talk, Mac?"

"I don't know if my heart can take it," Mac said. "Come sit down, Tim. I guess Horatio told you what's happening."

Speed sat down in the other deck chair with a sigh. "Everything. I don't know how the hell I missed his concerns about his brother, but I did," he said. "Mac, I've never seen Horatio look like this before and I don't know what to make of it."

"He looks happier, doesn't he?" Mac asked with a fond smile. "I think that being able to tell people about Raymond, about the fears and problems linked to him, has helped Horatio heal more than anything else could. He told me last night that he knows he still has a long way to go, Tim, but he slept through the night with only one nightmare. That's better than he's done in how long?"

"Quite a while that I know of," Speed said. "So you're moving down here?"

"Yeah, I just finished making the arrangements so I don't have to go back up to New York. Honestly, I don't want to leave Horatio alone right now, not when he's still feeling raw inside," Mac said. "I think he's healing though, Tim, I really do."

"I heard about Ray yesterday. How's your hand doing?"

"Bruised, but the swelling went down so if there's a break in there, it's not full," Mac replied. "I've had worse in my time."

Speed snorted. "I can only imagine," he said. "What are you going to do now, Mac?"

"I've gotten in touch with the Corps and asked about either recruiting or teaching positions available here in Miami," Mac said. "I love working in the lab, but there's not a place for me right now and I don't want to push anyone out of a job. I'll be recruiting full time for them, both at the station and up on campus. It'll allow me to be home when Horatio gets here at night."

"They aren't going to try and send you back over into one of the war zones, are they?" Speed asked.

"No, I'm too battered for that, even as a commander," Mac replied. "Time for me to ride a desk. It does free up the officers they've had working those two stations for other postings though, so that made everyone happy."

"How does Horatio feel about all of this?"

"He knows how I feel about my time in service and the Corps," Mac said. "I think he'd like to have me at the lab, but this way we don't have to worry about anyone thinking I got a job because I'm dating the head of the lab."

"Makes good sense," Speed said. "I'll be honest, Mac, I never thought we'd get to this place. I was set to hate you for the rest of my life, but you're good for Horatio. I don't think he's had a lot of people in his life that made him a promise and then worked so hard to keep it. I'm still going to be keeping an eye on him, but I'm not as worried now."

Mac's lips twitched. "When Horatio asked me to move down here, my first thought wasn't about spending my life with him, it was wondering what you all would think about it," he said. "Horatio agreed with me that it was probably going to be an interesting reaction. I'm curious, does he know you're here?"

"Nope, I took lunch," Speed said. "I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page still."

"We're helping Horatio heal, Tim. That's not a page I'm ever going to be off of."

"Me neither," Speed said.


	23. Chapter 23

Mac was in the middle of cooking dinner when the doorbell rang. He grabbed a towel and went to see who it was because he wasn't expecting company and Horatio's team tended to just walk in. "Ray?"

"Hi Detective Taylor, I was wondering if I could maybe talk to Uncle Horatio," Ray said.

"He's still at work, Ray, but come on in," Mac said. "You can hang out until he gets home. Does your mom know where you are?"

"I kinda ran away," Ray said.

"Okay, we can work through this," Mac said, trying not to sigh. He locked the door behind Ray and headed back towards the kitchen. "You hungry, Ray?"

"No, Sir."

"All right, grab something to drink if you want," Mac said. "I'm going to call Horatio and let him know you're here and get him to tell your mom, okay?"

Ray nodded. He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head down on his arms, asleep before Mac had his phone out. Mac frowned and went out onto the back deck to call his lover. "Hey, it's me. I've got Ray here and he just about passed out he's so tired," he said. "Could you let Yelina know he's safe and not in trouble? I don't want her to worry."

"Is Ray okay?" Horatio asked.

"I don't see any marks on him," Mac replied. "I think he just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"All right, I'll talk to Yelina and then I'll be home," Horatio said. "Can I bring anything for supper?"

"No, but we don't have dessert," Mac said. "I hadn't planned on having Ray here, but there's plenty of food."

"I'll pick up some of his favorite ice cream," Horatio said. "See you in a bit, Mac."

"Love you," Mac said. He tucked his phone in his pocket and went back inside. "Hey Ray," he said, shaking the young man's shoulder gently, "come on, let's get you into the guest room. It'll be better for you to sleep in there."

"Okay," Ray said, barely waking up.

Mac helped him down the hall and into the guest room. Ray flopped down onto the bed and was back asleep before Mac had him covered in a light blanket. With a small sigh, Mac took off Ray's sneakers, set them down by the bed and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. He had a feeling he knew what had happened, but didn't want to make assumptions before Ray was able to tell them the truth. Mac went back to dinner, setting the table while things were cooking.

"Hey."

"Welcome home," Mac said, kissing Horatio softly. "Ray's asleep in the guest room. I think, Horatio, that maybe Yelina is going a little over the top in trying to punish Ray."

"She's going to pick him up tomorrow," Horatio said. "We'll wake him up for dinner and talk then. I've never worried about Yelina abusing Ray, Mac. Should I have?"

"No, not unless you think that something has changed," Mac said. "Dinner is about ready, H, if you want to go get Ray. Honestly, I think he needs a good meal, a good night's sleep and a strong father figure, in about that order."

Horatio smiled. "We can do that," he said.

Mac started to serve up dinner, taking the filled plates to the table as they were ready, pulled out the salad he'd made and put out water for all three of them. He respected Horatio's no alcohol rule and thought that they could have pop if water wasn't enough. "Hey Ray, hungry?"

"Not really, Sir," Ray said, sitting down. "I really just want to sleep."

"Ray, how much sleep did you get last night?" Horatio asked softly, sitting down next to his nephew.

"Couple of hours," Ray replied with a yawn. "Mom had me working the rest of the time. She said something about this being how Dad was punished growing up and she was taking a page out of his book."

Horatio glanced at Mac, eyes haunted. Mac knew exactly what that sentence did to his fragile lover and wanted to go kick Yelina for hurting Horatio. "Ray, your father was never punished growing up," Horatio said softly. "I was, and yes, my father did this to me many times, but never to your father. Depriving a growing boy of the sleep he needs is not punishment, it's abusive behavior, and I will speak with your mother about this, okay?"

"Dad was never punished, Uncle Horatio?" Ray asked. "I thought all kids got in trouble."

"My father was selective in his punishments, Ray. He was an abuser with favorite targets, and your father wasn't one," Horatio replied. "Everyone makes mistakes, Ray. Don't ever think that your father was perfect, because he wasn't, but he did love you and that's what matters."

"I didn't know Grandpa Caine was abusive," Ray said. 

"I had hoped never to tell you that," Horatio admitted. "Mac, is there a diet coke in the fridge?"

Mac nodded. "Ray, would you like an orange soda?" he asked. "We have some here with your name on them."

"Sure, thank you," Ray said. "Uncle Horatio, I don't understand any of this."

"I know you don't, Ray, I know you don't," Horatio said. "You made a mistake in trying to join the gang. Yes, you need to be punished for hurting both Mac and me, but you do not need to be treated like this. Let me speak with your mother and I'll make sure that she understands things a little better, okay?"

"Thanks, Uncle Horatio," Ray said softly.

Horatio pulled him into a hug. "You did good to come to me, Ray, rather than just running," he said. "You will always have a place here. Don't ever feel like you have to hide from me, okay?"

"Yeah," Ray said.


	24. Chapter 24

"Want to talk about it?" Mac asked once they were in bed. Ray had passed out again after dinner and showed no signs of waking up any time soon. 

"Not really," Horatio replied. "This was just one of many creative abuses my father had when I was growing up, Mac. I don't even know how Raymond knew about it because it was never once used on him."

Mac held his arms open and Horatio burrowed in against him. "My guess, Horatio, is that Raymond was spying on you," he said softly. "Just like you always believed, but couldn't prove. It's even possible your father used him to punish you more."

"I know I have to talk with Yelina tomorrow, but I'm really not looking forward to it," Horatio admitted. "On top of everything else, it feels like this is never going to end."

"Do you want me with you tomorrow?" Mac asked.

"So much, but Ray is going to need someone with him," Horatio replied. "I don't want him to overhear what I'm telling his mother. He doesn't need to know the truth about his father or grandfather. No more than I told him tonight, at least not until he's older."

"We can keep an eye on him," Mac said, rubbing Horatio's back. "To be sure that he's not showing signs of his father's temper. It won't be easy, but breaking this cycle of abuse can be done."

Horatio nodded. "It's one reason, among the many you already know, that I don't want children of my own," he said. "I look out for everyone, keep track of children I've helped over the years, but I'm scared Mac. I'm scared to try and raise a child of my own."

"That's understandable, Horatio, and no one blames you for anything," Mac said. "You have Ray and it seems like he looks up to you as a father figure. I wish he hadn't been involved with that gang, that there was another way for him to try and get attention from his mother, but we know the problem is there now. We can watch for it stemming up again."

"That's if Yelina lets me near Ray after tomorrow," Horatio said. "The teen years are hard enough without outside problems impacting them. Ever since Raymond died and the news stories broke, Ray has been teased and bullied at school. I spoke with him a few years ago now and reminded him that he is his own person and yes, it does hurt when people say bad things about your father, but Raymond's actions do not reflect on him."

"It has to be hard for him," Mac said. "I wonder if maybe Yelina would let me spend some time with him. I could take him to the recruitment center and show him that there are other goals to work towards, other places to belong."

"She won't want him near anything military," Horatio said. "Ray is going to be some sort of a businessman no matter what he wants. I don't agree with it, I think she's making a mistake, but she won't listen to me."

Mac sighed. "Ray should be allowed to choose what he wants to do with his life," he said. "My parents were never thrilled when I chose to join the service, but they knew it made me happy, so they accepted it. I think they were just sort of resigned when I went into the police department, but at least no one was dropping bombs on me."

"I didn't have anyone left to object," Horatio sighed. "I went for a way to help others as I was never helped, and I think I've managed to do some good in my life."

"You have done some wonderful things in your life, Horatio," Mac said, kissing the top of his head. "You came all the way to New York to find answers for a scared young lady. I don't know many police officers that would do something like that."

"What else could I have done?"

"Left it to us, but you didn't know us so you didn't know if we would give the case the same care and attention that you would," Mac said. "I'm never going to complain about that because it brought you to me, and that was the best day of my life, Horatio."

Horatio looked up at Mac. "What about your wedding to Claire?" he asked softly.

"Best day of my young life," Mac replied with a smile. "Never think I don't still love her, Horatio, but Claire and I had the same talk I think most partners do. She would come haunt me if I was still moping around New York mourning her openly. The only thing she wanted for me was to be happy, and if she couldn't be there to help me do it, then she wanted me to find the person that could. Honestly, I thought that she would be the one searching out a new partner because I was the one with the more dangerous job. Life is odd that way."

"I understand what you mean, Mac," Horatio said. "I don't know if I would be able to open up to anyone else like this."

"I'm not planning to go anywhere, so we're safe," Mac said. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep tonight, Horatio?"

"Probably not, but I'll try," Horatio said. "I'm sorry to be keeping you awake like this, Mac."

"Nowhere else I'd rather be, H," Mac said.


	25. Chapter 25

"Horatio, where's Ray?" Yelina asked before she was even in the door the next morning.

"He's out for a walk with Mac," Horatio replied. "Come in, Yelina. I think we need to talk about a couple of things, including something that's very painful to me, but you need to know."

"Horatio, Ray ran away from home. That's not something I can ignore."

"He ran away because you weren't letting him sleep," Horatio said. He handed her a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "He was here ten seconds last night before he fell asleep, Yelina. He said that you got the idea from Raymond."

She nodded. "He said it was something that you both were punished with growing up and I thought that if I could keep Ray sleepy then he wouldn't be able to go out and get into trouble again."

"Childhood punishments aside, what you did to him yesterday was not trying to keep him sleepy," Horatio said. "You kept him awake for all but two hours, Yelina, and I don't know anyone, doctor or police, that wouldn't qualify that as abuse to your child."

"You survived."

"There are days I don't know how. I don't know what Raymond told you about life growing up, Yelina, but any punishment he said was enforced on both of us was only used on me," Horatio said. "Perhaps on our mother as well, but I seemed to be the favorite target. I can't even count the number of times my mother had to take me to an emergency room to be treated because of something my father had done to me."

"Raymond never told me your father was abusive," Yelina said, sitting down. "Though it does explain a lot, Horatio, things I've noticed about you over the years, but you have to trust me to raise my son."

"He ran away from home yesterday, Yelina," Horatio said. "He came here in an attempt to hide, but what if he hadn't. What if he went back to the gang hideout and stayed there? We don't know its location, we don't know all the kids involved. You could have lost him forever yesterday because you're over-reacting. Ray needs to be punished, but in a way that is reasonable and logical. He told me yesterday that he doesn't understand any of this. That is not effective punishment. That is either abuse, or punishment for the fun of it, and neither of those is acceptable."

"I don't understand what's so hard to understand. He was arrested for assault and won't tell me anything else about any of the kids," Yelina said. "He won't testify against them either, so I set him to work at the house and told him he couldn't go to bed until everything was done."

Horatio sighed. "Ray needs to know that you understand he's sorry for what he's done," he said. "Because right now you're acting unreasonable and it's doing far more damage than good, Yelina. I know that Ray is not my son, but I've always thought of him as one, especially after Raymond died. I think that it's not unreasonable to allow Mac to set the punishment for home because he is the one that Ray hurt the worst."

"Mac won't be there to enforce it," Yelina said.

"Ray is an honorable young man. He wouldn't lie about doing something if he hasn't," Horatio said softly. "Yelina, right now, you are very close to losing your son forever, and I don't want that to happen. You know how hard the teen years are for everyone. If you make it this much harder for Ray now, if you start to treat him as if he can't be trusted, then he will go looking for someone who will treat him with love, and that might well be a gang. Ask yourself if it's worth the risk."

"Of course it's not. Ray's all I have left," Yelina sighed. "All right, we'll try it your way, but if Ray lies about anything we go back to my way."

"That's fair," Horatio said. He looked up. "That's the door. Mac, is that you?"

"Yeah, are you guys to a point we can come in, or do we need to do some other stuff for a bit?" Mac asked.

"Come on in, guys," Horatio said. "Hey Ray, how was your walk?"

"Good. Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Ray. You scared me yesterday, but I'm glad you came here," she said. "Your uncle and I have been talking about your punishments for what you've done and he wants to talk to you about it, too."

"Sit down, Ray," Horatio said. "We've agreed that your mother acted out of fear and was extreme in punishment yesterday. Mac is going to detail out your punishment for home and you're going to be on an honor code to complete everything. If any of us find out you're lying, or you aren't doing something you're supposed to be, then your mother's system will go back in place. Does that sound fair to you?"

"What if I don't have enough time in the day to get something done?" Ray asked. "I have a lot of homework that I need to keep up with."

Mac sat down at the table with them. "How about this, Ray," he said. "You do your homework first thing when you get home," he said. "Then spend an extra hour on top of that studying in a field of your choice. You're getting to the age where you need to start planning what you want to do with the rest of your life, and research is always good. Eat all your dinner and do the dishes, no television or video games for a month until we can do a reassessment for you. On Saturday you mow the lawn and on Sunday you wash down the driveway. Computer time for homework and research only, no clearing the history so your mother or uncle can check and see what you're working on. You'll have your community service starting up in a week, but the judge is probably going to put that onto the weekends, so we can waive the lawn and driveway to once every two weeks or as needed while you're doing that."

"That's really fair, Sir, thank you," Ray said.

"I'd add in one thing," Horatio said softly. "Ray, I want you to do research on abusers and various causes and treatments if you have everything else done. Learn everything you can about the various forms of abuse for me, okay?"

"Okay, Uncle Horatio," Ray said.

"Yelina?" Horatio asked. "Is this all okay with you?"

"We'll give it a try," she said. "Ray, I'm still really disappointed in you for what you've done, but you're facing the consequences as an adult. For that, I'm proud of you. I think you'll understand more when you're older."

Horatio couldn't help but smile at that. "Breakfast guys?" he asked. "We haven't had a chance to eat yet."

"Can we, Mom?" Ray asked.

"Oh, sure," Yelina replied. "I think you need more time with a positive male influence, Ray."


	26. Chapter 26

"Did you have a chance to talk with Ray while you guys were out walking?" Horatio asked later in the day when they were alone.

"Yeah, he's still not sure exactly what to make of me, but he opened up a little," Mac replied. He sat down next to Horatio and put an arm around his lover's shoulder. "I think that he'll stick to the punishments I detailed out, Horatio. I think he's got your sense of honor more than anything else."

"I don't suppose he told you why he wanted to join up with that gang did he?"

Mac sighed. "I don't think he really knows, to be honest. Ray's a young man looking for a place to belong and he found the wrong one," he said. "If I had a little more say in it, I'd find the local youth ROTC program and enroll him there."

"Yelina would throw a fit and never agree," Horatio said. "She's determined to keep Ray as far away from anything remotely dangerous and I think that's part of why he's acting out like he is. I wish I could show her that with three family members that are or were police officers, Ray is very likely going to look into something similar for himself one day. His reasoning probably wouldn't be too far off my own."

"Losing his dad like he did, that had to have made an impact on him," Mac agreed. "He might see the police department as a chance to try and help kids not have to go through what he did."

"I think all we can do is really all I've been able to do for years, and that's help him out however I can," Horatio said. "I'm dreading the day he asks about sex."

Mac couldn't help the snicker and quickly pressed a kiss to his lover's neck to soften it as much as he could. "You would have managed, love," he said. "I'll handle that talk if you want me to. After all, I'll be able to cover everything with him."

"Which is more than I would have been able to do," Horatio said. "Thank you, Mac. I'd appreciate the help."

"So, as long as we're talking about sex, want to make out like teenagers?" Mac asked.

Horatio flushed and looked down, but nodded. Mac tipped Horatio chin back up and kissed his nose softly. "Tell me if the teasing ever makes you uncomfortable, Horatio," he said. "I'm going to push and tease, but I don't want to hurt you again. Not if I can help it."

"I know, Mac, it just always takes me off-guard," Horatio said. "I still don't know when I'll be ready for more."

"Is it okay if I touch you here?" Mac rested a hand on Horatio's leg. "Just here, no higher."

"Yeah, that's okay," Horatio said. He shifted a little so he was facing Mac a little more head-on than before. "I'm sorry for making you wait."

"Don't be sorry for doing what you need to to be safe and comfortable, Horatio," Mac said. He leaned in and kissed Horatio's cheek. "I think that maybe you were pushing yourself too fast last time and we managed to get out of your comfort zone without realizing it. We're going to take this slowly and carefully and it will be that much more intense when we finally are able to make love again."

Horatio stared at Mac for a long moment. "I love you, Mac," he said softly.

"I love you too, Horatio."


	27. Chapter 27

Mac's things arrived from New York early the following week. He stacked the boxes in the guest room to keep them out of the way while he unpacked and got things put away. "There's no way this is all of your things, Mac," Horatio said, looking at the boxes.

"I just asked them to pack up my books and decorations," Mac replied. "Clothes and other personal things. My furniture and kitchen stuff all went to various shelters around the city to help people there."

"You didn't have to get rid of your things to move down here, Mac," Horatio said.

"I didn't need those things," Mac said. "You're letting me move in here and our sense of style would clash. Besides Claire picked most of those pieces out and she always liked them more than I did. I kept them because of her, not because I liked them."

Horatio looked at him. "You didn't have to get rid of things your wife bought, Mac. I wouldn't have minded."

Mac handed over a couple of pictures. "These are better memories than the sofa, Horatio," he said. "Our wedding day and our ten year anniversary. Claire died just before our twenty year anniversary. I already had the time off and a trip planned when the planes hit the towers."

"You married young," Horatio said, sitting down next to Mac.

"We met when I was home on leave and dated for a couple of years before we got married when I was twenty," Mac said. "I posted home not long after that, so we had to get used to being together, but it was worth it. She was so full of life, Horatio. Taken far too early."

"Yes she was," Horatio said. "Are you going to hang these up in your office?"

"It won't make you uncomfortable?"

"Not at all," Horatio said. "She's still important to you and I would never take that away from you."

"Thank you." Mac leaned over and kissed Horatio softly. "I'm going to have to be fitted for a new uniform. I tried on my old one before you got home and it doesn't fit anymore. My dress uniform does, but not my daily uniform."

They both looked up at a knock on the door. "Any idea?" Horatio asked.

"Nope."

Horatio pushed up and headed to the front door. "Ray?"

"Hey Uncle Horatio, this is Cindy," Ray said. "She's in trouble and needs help and I couldn't go to Mom with this. She'd be mad at me."

"Okay, Ray, okay," Horatio said. "Come in, both of you. Mac, we have company. What's going on, Ray?"

"Cindy is in my class at school and she's been a member of the gang I was with the other day since the start of last year," Ray said. "Her dad just found out and kicked her out of the house and Cindy's pregnant."

Mac bit back a curse when he saw the kids in the hallway. "I think soda is in order here," he said. "Cindy, are you hungry, sweetie?"

"Yes, Sir."

"All right, I'll start on some sandwiches," Mac said. 

"Come on, into the kitchen," Horatio said. "Ray, does your mother know where you are today?"

"Yes, Uncle Horatio, I told her I was coming here to talk with you about something important," Ray said. "I've finished my homework and research for the day, and Mom said she'd do the dishes if I needed to talk with you."

"Good boy," Horatio said. "Have a seat. Cindy, how old are you?"

"Fifteen, Sir."

"Do you know who the father is?"

"No."

"Okay, that's okay," Horatio said, knowing how some teen gangs operated. "I think that the best thing we can do is get you fed and then to the hospital for a check-up to be sure both you and the baby are healthy. Do you want Ray to come along?"

Cindy finally looked up. "Could he?" she asked. "He's the only one treating me like I'm worth something right now."

"Of course he can," Horatio said. "Of course he can, and I'll be right there with you the whole time too, okay? Cindy, you are worth so much. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are, and we'll help you find yourself again. I promise you that."


	28. Chapter 28

"Horatio?"

The red head turned and smiled softly. "Teresa," he said, "thanks for coming down on such short notice. I've got a bit of a situation."

"Fill me in."

"Fifteen-year-old girl kicked out of her house because she's expecting," Horatio said. "My nephew is a friend and brought her to me for help. The girl was a member of a gang and doesn't know who the father of the child is."

"So she needs a place to stay, support and possible adoption services," Teresa said. "All doable. Where is she now?"

"The doctors are still running some tests," Horatio said. "This is my nephew, Ray, and my partner Mac Taylor. How are you feeling now, Ray?"

Ray ducked his head. "Better, Uncle Horatio," he said. "The doctor said it was stress and I needed to take it easy for a few days."

"All right, we'll talk to your mother and see what we can come up with," Horatio said. "Ray, this is Teresa. She works with a group that helps young women that are in trouble, and she's going to talk with Cindy."

"Thanks for helping us, Uncle Horatio," Ray said. "Cindy was scared she'd have to live on the streets after her father kicked her out like he did."

"We'll see what we can do, Ray," Teresa said. "Sounds like you really care about Cindy. Would you like to be in there when I'm talking with her? Normally we'd have a parent in, but these are special circumstances."

"Could I?" Ray asked.

"Go ahead, Ray," Horatio said. "Tell Cindy that I'm close by if she wants to talk with me again, okay?"

Mac moved in close to Horatio when they were alone. "You really do know everyone, don't you?" he asked softly.

"I try to," Horatio replied. "I helped Teresa with a case about three years ago when one of the young girls her office was monitoring disappeared in the middle of the night. I think they'll be able to help Cindy get back on her feet, but the one thing I'm worried about is this gang."

"Are they going to be willing to let Cindy go so easily," Mac said. "We're thinking the same thing, Horatio. I'm worried about Ray, too."

"I wasn't expecting him to get sick like he did," Horatio said. He leaned against the wall with a sigh. "He made a mistake and I support him being punished for it, but is the punishment too much for him? Ray shouldn't be that stressed, should he?"

"No, not so stressed that he's getting sick," Mac agreed. "It's possible that he's worried about Cindy and that's what's thrown him over the edge though. I think the three of us should have a serious talk before we take him home again."

Horatio nodded. "We can do that," he said.  
****

When they got back to the house, Horatio called Yelina and let her know that Ray was going to stay for dinner and they would have him home in time for bed. Mac started cooking something light to help Ray's stomach. "What's going through your mind, Ray?" he asked softly.

Ray put his pop down on the table with a sigh. "I'm worried about Cindy, Sir," he said. "I really like her and I don't want her to get hurt any more than she already has."

"I have to ask the question, Ray," Mac said. "Is there any change the baby could be yours?"

"No, Sir," Ray said.

"Okay, thank you for being honest," Mac said. "I know that's not a comfortable question to have a stranger ask you, but your uncle and I agreed that I would handle more of the sex questions if anything came up."

Ray flushed a little. "I haven't, with anyone," he said.

"It's okay, Ray, we can stop," Mac said. He put the pan in the oven and joined the teen at the table. "Do you have any idea what could have pushed you over the edge to be so stressed that you got sick?"

"I don't," Ray said. "It just sort of hit me today and I don't think I've ever felt that sick before."

Horatio came into the room and sat down at the table. "You mom knows where you are, Ray," he said. "I didn't tell her anything about what's going on, but you need to let her know you're not feeling good and show her the doctor's report."

"I've messed things up again, haven't I?" Ray asked.

"Of course not, Ray," Horatio replied. "You did perfect bringing Cindy to us for help. You can always come here and I'll help you with anything you need help on, okay? I know it's hard for you to not have a father, Ray, and I'll do my best to fill in when you need me."

"Thanks, Uncle Horatio," Ray said. "I didn't know what else to do."

"You did fine, Ray," Horatio said. "You did just fine."


	29. Chapter 29

"Horatio, do you have a minute to talk?" Yelina asked, leaning in the door to the lab where Horatio was working.

"Of course, come in," Horatio replied. "I'm only reviewing some documentation, there's nothing sensitive, Yelina."

She nodded. "Horatio, I'm worried about Ray," she admitted. "He showed me the report from the doctor when you brought him home last night. He shouldn't be so stressed that he's sick. What are we missing?"

"Ray's concerned for a young friend of his," Horatio said. "She was kicked out of her house because she's expecting and Ray brought her to me for help. I have a friend that was able to find Ray's friend a temporary home while they're working on some other things."

"Why didn't he come to me?"

"Because the friend was also a member of the gang Ray was with and he worried that you wouldn't understand," Horatio said. "He promised me that he hasn't been talking with anyone from the gang except for this friend, and she wants out, Yelina."

"How did this get to be such a mess, Horatio?" Yelina asked. "I don't understand my son anymore."

Horatio sighed. "It's not an uncommon complaint for mothers with teenaged boys, I understand," he said. "Ray is coming to me as well, Yelina. He knows he has family that will support him and I think that maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing to ease back on him a little. Ray understands that he made a mistake and he needs to face punishment for it, but is it possible we're putting too much pressure on him when he's got school and community service?"

"Maybe," Yelina admitted with a sigh. "I totally overreacted when I took him home immediately after talking with you and Mac that first day. I admit that and I'm horrified that I did. I don't think I ever did thank you for stepping in and helping me see what I was doing. You never had anyone do that for you, did you?"

"I did, his name was Hank," Horatio said softly. "He helped me with homework and gave me a place to come when things at home were too much for me. When my father found out, he murdered Hank in front of me, and then threatened both my mother and me with the same fate if I talked to the police."

"Oh, Horatio, I didn't know," Yelina said.

"I've only just been table to talk about him with anyone," Horatio said. "Hank died a horribly and violent death, Yelina. My father set him on fire. For many years, I blamed myself for his death, but Mac's been helping me understand that it wasn't my fault, and I would do the same thing now that Hank did for me back then."

"Mac seems like a very smart man," Yelina said. "I'm amazed that he's helping with Ray as much as he is."

Horatio managed a smile. "Mac considers my family to be his family," he said. "Yelina, Mac has asked several times about getting Ray involved in one of the junior ROTC programs. It would give him discipline, a group of people he can relate to and chances to do things he's never done before. I know how you feel about anything remotely dangerous for Ray, but I think it would be a good idea."

"There's no contract to go into the military, is there?" Yelina asked.

"I don't know, but I can ask," Horatio replied. "Mac would know and he could tell you more before we even brought the idea up with Ray."

"Ask him. I make no promises I'll say yes, but I want to do the right things for Ray," Yelina said. "I told him he could have the next couple of days off chores at the house as long as he gets his homework done. I don't want him getting sicker."

"That's the ultimate goal," Horatio said. "Remind him he can come see me this weekend if he wants to."

"I will. I don't say it enough, Horatio, but thank you for being a father to Ray," Yelina said. "I don't know that I would be able to do this alone."

"You're a strong woman, Yelina. I think you would have done just fine," Horatio said.


	30. Chapter 30

"I spoke with Yelina about the junior ROTC program today," Horatio said while he was helping Mac clean up the kitchen after dinner.

"That must have been an interesting conversation," Mac said. "What'd she say?"

"Her main concern was that there would be a contract for Ray to enter the Marines," Horatio said.

Mac nodded and put the last pot away. "That's actually a common concern among parents when they first hear about the program," he said. "I'd say most of the kids that join do want to go on to a military career, but there are some that just want a place to belong. To be around people that understand them and give back to their community in ways they couldn't otherwise do. I stand by my belief that the program would be good for Ray."

"I think that Yelina will be open to it as long as she's not signing anything that will put Ray into basic training when he graduates," Horatio said.

"She won't be. There will be contact with active soldiers, reservists, and beat up old Marines like me," Mac said. "There's uniforms and other events just like if they were in active service, but there's no contract to join up when the kids graduate. If they do join up though, their time in the program is considered."

Horatio turned and leaned against the counter. "Do you think that, if this is something Ray was interested in, it could be used in place of his community service?" he asked. "I'm worried about all the stress Ray has right now, and I've been wondering if part of it isn't coming from the places he's doing his time."

"That's possible, although if that's the problem, then someone needs to talk to those businesses and make sure they're behaving themselves," Mac said. "I checked, there's an orientation for summer join for Ray's age group this coming weekend. I could take him and see what he thinks of it all."

"Yelina will have to agree," Horatio said.

"Of course, do you want me to talk with her about it?" Mac asked. "That's my job now."

"Yes, it is," Horatio agreed with a smile. "I think you're the best one to explain everything to her, Mac. You know these programs better than I do, and I would just come up with more questions about it."

"I'll talk with Yelina, you check with the judge, and we can both go and look at the two businesses Ray's doing his community service at," Mac said. "I think that, between the two of us, if they are giving Ray a hard time, we can show them the error of their ways."

Horatio laughed. "I love it when we're on the same page, Mac," he said.  
****

Yelina looked around. "Somehow I wasn't expecting balloons," she said. "This seems more like a party than anything relating to the military."

"The balloons are in Marine colors," Mac replied. "Come on, the registration booth is just up here. Ray, I know I've asked you this a lot, but are you sure this is something you want for yourself, and not because you think it's going to make your mother, uncle and me happy?"

"I'm sure," Ray said with a smile. "I've been reading about the Marine Corps, Mac, and I really like what I've seen there. I think it'll be fun to learn more first hand."

"All right, then let's go get you signed in," Mac said. "We'll meet you guys over by the seats."

Horatio's eyes had been scanning the crowd out of habit, but he didn't see anyone he recognized, or any threats. "What are you thinking, Yelina?"

"How do I let him go into the military if this is what he really wants?" she asked. "All his life I've told him I didn't want him involved in the police force. I tried to direct his interest to over fields, but we're here and he's been reading about the Marines. How do I do it?"

"By letting him fly free," a soft voice said from behind them.

Yelina and Horatio turned and found an older woman sitting in one of the chairs. "My four boys, they all enlisted right out of high school," she said. "Each time, I knew they might not come home, but it was all they wanted to do. The Marines were the only thing they talked about growing up, the only thing that interested them and I knew that if I held them back, they would leave and never come home to me even if they lived through their time in the service. So I let them do what they loved and prayed for them all each night."

"What happened?" Yelina asked, sitting down.

"They all lived and are happily married with families of their own," she replied. "My name is Martha and I come with my boys every year to talk with parents that have questions like yours. Sometimes soldiers die, but sometimes people are killed crossing the street. Doing what you love in life, it makes every day that much more alive. More colorful. Don't you agree, Lieutenant Caine?"

Horatio recognized her then. "Yes it does, Martha," he said. "Yelina, this is Martha Allens. She's married to the former chief of detectives."

"Of course, I should have recognized you," Yelina said. "It's a pleasure to meet you officially, ma'am."

"Just Martha here," she said. "Which one is yours?"

"My son Ray, just getting in line there," Yelina said. "His father is dead, killed in the line of duty. Horatio is his uncle."

"And my partner, Mac Taylor," Horatio said. "Mac, do you know Martha Allens?"

"I do," Mac said with a smile. "Good to see you, Martha."

"You as well, Mac. Are you mentoring young Ray?"

Mac nodded. "For now, but I think that his squad commander will take over soon enough," he said. "Yelina, I'll introduce you when the games are over. They're going to let the kids get to know each other with basketball and baseball first and then we'll have the talks about exactly what a commitment here means. Ray though, he's happier than I've ever seen him."

"I'll second that," Horatio said with a smile.


	31. Chapter 31

"So, I think, Mac, that you managed a miracle today," Horatio said when they were home late in the evening. "I have never seen Ray as happy as he was today. Thank you."

Mac looked at his partner with a smile. "I'm glad to hear it," he said. "Now we just have to deal with that one business owner, Horatio. I'm not impressed with what he told us, or what the kids that have been working for him have told us."

"I agree, and I've started an official investigation into not only his business ethics and how he works with kids, but his finances," Horatio said with a small smile. "I'll know more in a day or two and will take it to the judge then. I'm also making a recommendation that businesses where kids are serving out community service are monitored a little more closely to prevent abuses such as this. These kids have made mistakes, but being treated like criminals when they're trying to fix their lives, that just pushes them back into the system that much faster."

"Can I come hug you?" Mac asked.

"Yeah," Horatio said softly. He sighed and rested his head against Mac's. "I still don't know when, Mac."

"However long it takes," Mac said. "I'm not pushing you, Horatio. I have a feeling you still have some nightmares lurking in you from your childhood, although I have noticed you're sleeping a lot better since you told me about your brother and your fears there."

"I feel lighter," Horatio admitted. "I guess I didn't realize how much that information was weighing me down. I wish that it would let me let you closer to me, Mac, but there's still fear there."

"I know, love, I know," Mac said. "Come on, let's head for bed. I took the trust you put in me and I broke it. I know that can take years to heal and I'm still amazed that you're even willing to try. So many people would have just walked away."

Horatio sighed. "You make me feel something that no one else ever has, Mac. I can't explain it, I can't even put it into words, but there's something here," he said. "Something between us that's been there since the first time we talked and it's only growing stronger every day. With you, I feel safe."

"Oh, H," Mac said softly. He pulled the other man in for a hug and just held him. 

"Some day, Mac," Horatio said. "I'm not giving up on us. I want to get back to where we were. I just don't know how."

"You will, H," Mac said. "You will."  
****

One thing Mac never thought would happen would be becoming a witness to a hit and run fatality incident. "Tripp."

"Hey Mac," Frank said. "So I hear you saw everything."

"I was hanging some new fliers in the window," Mac said. "A black sports car, Mustang, mid-2000s, came from the left there, speeding and with loud music blasting out the window. The bass shook my windows in here. The light was green in favor of pedestrians crossing north and there was a crowd of them in the middle of the street when the suspect vehicle ran the red light and straight through them."

"Let me guess, tinted windows," Frank said with a sigh.

"Unfortunately, but they had vanity plates, Frank," Mac said.

"Now how the hell did you spot those?" Frank asked.

"My doorway causes an interested effect with traffic," Mac said. "Here, come look. See, if you're standing here, where I was hanging up the new informational fliers, you can see traffic half a block down to the left. The suspect vehicle was moving quickly, but not so much that I wasn't able to get a look at the plates. Even reversed like they were."

Frank grinned. "Sounds to me like we lost someone good at the lab, Mac. You sure you ain't gonna come join us there?"

"Maybe someday," Mac said. He handed over a piece of paper. "Here's the plate information along with everything I saw. Sorry about the blood stains, I was out trying to help people before emergency crews arrived."

"Heard about that, two of them only made it because you were here and took control," Frank said.

"I wish I could have saved them all," Mac said softly. "Find them, Frank. No one should be able to get away with anything like this."

"We will, Mac. We will, and this will go a long way towards helping us," Frank said. "Thanks for everything."


	32. Chapter 32

Mac was already at home and cooking supper when he heard the front door. "That you, Horatio?"

"It's a silly question if it wasn't, Mac," Horatio replied, coming into the kitchen.

"Nah, not really. Anyone else would have stayed quiet and I have knives in here," Mac said. "Hungry?"

"I am, thank you," Horatio said with a smile. "Frank wanted me to tell you that we found our hit and run suspects because of your eyes and attention to detail."

"Then your lab was able to find the evidence to prove it was them, right?"

Horatio laughed. "We did, although they had been through a car wash by the time we caught up with them," he said. "Lucky for us, some of the blood got up under the hood and was protected from the water. DNA matched it to our victims and only the driver's fingerprints were on the wheel, so his story of having loaned the car to a friend didn't hold up. When we presented him with all the evidence, including video from the traffic camera at the intersection, he confessed."

Mac brought two plates over to the table and sat down next to his lover. "I don't know why people think they can get away with things," he said. "Especially given what a media driven age we live in."

"How very true, but those tinted windows blocked us from seeing who was driving," Horatio said. "This looks wonderful Mac. Thank you."

"You're welcome. It's nice to have someone to cook for again," Mac said. "So what else happened at the lab today?"

"Well, I heard back from a lawyer friend that works closely with the community service programs and he's going to put in a proposal that there's a bit of an overhaul to the system," Horatio said. "Including closer and more thorough inspections of businesses involved in the program."

"Good, I'm glad. The kids need help and support, not persecution from people that don't know all the details," Mac said. "I'm afraid my day was boring, apart from what you already know about. I had a couple of high school seniors come in and get information on the program and one of them will be fine. The other one I'm not so sure of, so I encouraged him to go and talk with the Army. I think they would be a better fit, even though they want to try and serve together."

"Which is never a guarantee anyway," Horatio said. "I'm sure they'll find where they're supposed to be, Mac."

"We'll see what happens. I think that people don't realize how tough Marine boot camp can be," Mac said. 

Horatio nodded. "You're probably right. I don't think I would have been able to do it," he said. "The police academy was tough enough."

"Although I hear rumors that you're able to work out the most likely path a suspect running away is going to take and always manage to block them," Mac said. 

"The running is good for Eric and Tim," Horatio said with a small smile. "Speaking of, they've invited us to supper tomorrow night. Did you have any plans that will be in conflict?"

"Nope, I'm wide open," Mac said. "Is it at their place? Do we need to bring wine or anything?"

"No, there's a new beach restaurant open that they both like and wanted to take us to," Horatio said. "I don't know why they always take me to beach restaurants, but they do."

"I know why," Mac said. "It's so you can hear the ocean and relax while you're eating."

"But I'm with friends, so I'm relaxed anyway," Horatio said. "I always appreciate it, but at the same time, some of those places get a little repetitive."

"You could tell them."

"I don't want to hurt their feelings."

Mac shook his head with a fond smile. "So suggest a different restaurant in the same price range and offer to pay," he said. "Although I maintain that Tim will lecture if he ever figures this out."

"Tim likes to lecture. I think he hangs around Alexx too much, but that's just me," Horatio said with a small smile.

"H, you should just tell them the truth."

"I don't want to cause trouble."

Mac realized they'd come up against another little ghost from Horatio's past and decided to drop it until he could talk with Speed about a couple of things. "Okay, H, okay. I won't nag," he said. "The beach it is."

"Thank you," Horatio said softly.


	33. Chapter 33

Speed was working in his lab the next day, trying to get some paperwork caught up, when his cell phone rang. He picked it up without looking. “Speedle.”

“Hey, it’s Mac. Do you have a minute or should I call back?”

“Spoken like a true CSI,” Speed said with a small snort. “I’m just working on paperwork, which means putting checks in small boxes most of the time. I’m happy to take a break. What’s up?”

“I was wondering about something with Horatio, if he’s ever told you?”

“He might have, but I think he’s been talking to you more than he ever did with me,” Speed said. “I’m going to go for a walk so I’m not at risk of being overheard. Hang on one second, let me sign out and then I’ll ask you what’s up.”

“Sounds good to me. I’m closed for lunch to do this,” Mac said. “It came up last night during dinner, and I had to drop it so I didn’t upset him. I figured between the two of us maybe we can come up with a solution.”

Speed sighed. “There’s only so much we can do because I know he hasn’t talked about everything he saw and experienced growing up,” he said. “I’m always amazed when he does tell me things because he plays everything so close to his chest. Okay, I’m outside. What’s up?”

“It’s about dinner tonight. Please don’t let on that we’ve been talking about it, but he mentioned that he finds beach restaurants repetitive, but he doesn’t want to cause trouble by telling you guys.”

“Okay, yeah, I do know this one,” Speed said. “It’s from his father, no surprise, and the man’s favorite dinner. More often than not they had to eat the same thing over and over again, night after night, because the bastard loved it so much. It’s why Horatio will never complain about food. Ever. It doesn’t matter if he hates it or not, he’ll eat it without a word, and even comment on how good it is.”

“What was the favorite dinner?” Mac asked. “I’m doing a lot of the cooking these days and I don’t want to risk a flashback with him.”

“You don’t have to worry about it, unless you were going to be cooking corned beef and cabbage,” Speed said.

“Yick,” Mac said. “Not a chance in hell would I be cooking that one. So he had to eat that growing up?”

“Almost constantly, and the smell can actually make him sick,” Speed said. “We had a case a couple of years ago where the family was eating it for dinner when they were killed. Horatio couldn’t stay in the house because of the smell. I’ve seen him take on decomp with no problem, but that one smell makes him sick.”

“I’ll have to make sure to keep him away from restaurants around Saint Pat’s day then,” Mac said. “So, getting back to the original question here, do you think it’s possible for us to start mixing up the type of restaurant we take him to in the future without him getting suspicious that we’re plotting against him?”

Speed bit back a sigh. “He’s standing right behind me, so no, I don’t think so,” he said. “Hi H.”

“Hello Tim,” Horatio said. “What are you and Mac talking about today?”

“Dinner tonight,” Speed said. He turned to face Horatio. “I know what you’re expecting, Horatio Caine, so don’t even try to pretend that you aren’t expecting a lecture from me. How many times have I told you that if you don’t like something or want to try something new to tell me so we can? I’m happy to be a safety net for you, but the net won’t work if it doesn’t know what it’s supposed to be doing.”

“I’m happy to eat wherever you want to, Tim,” Horatio said.

“And I know that, but part of finding yourself, which you say you’re doing, is to know that you can have an opinion on restaurants,” Speed said. “Mac, I’ll call you back, or have Horatio call you. I need both hands here.”

“You look like a mother hen with your hands on your hips, Speed,” Mac pointed out.

“You are not making this any easier you know,” Speed said.

Horatio looked at the ground, and it was pretty obvious he was trying not to smile. “I never thought the two of you would get along so well,” he said. “I’m very happy you are.”

“Talk to you later, Mac,” Speed said. He put his phone in his pocket and then his hands, if only to keep them off his hips. He didn’t want to give in when they were in public. “Part of this going out to eat deal is that we go places you like, Horatio. If you don’t express an opinion on it, then how am I going to know if you have a good time?”

“I enjoy spending time with you, Tim, so I always have a good time,” Horatio said. 

“Then why didn’t you say something about wanting to try a different kind of restaurant?”

“Because I don’t want to cause trouble,” Horatio said. 

“That is not causing trouble, that is not telling people that care about you something important,” Tim said. He stepped in closer and pulled Horatio into a hug. “I know that you’re all in pieces right now, H. It probably does feel like Mac and I are conspiring against you, but we only want you to be happy.”

“I know, Tim, I know,” Horatio said. “I should have realized he would call you about this.”

Speed moved back and smacked Horatio’s arm lightly. “Of course he was going to call me about this,” he said. “Just like I’d call him if I was worried about something you said or did. That’s what having friends and a partner is all about. I know that you’ve called Eric a few times when you’ve been worried about me.”

That got a smile. “Guilty as charged,” Horatio said. “Speed, you do know that your paperwork is not going to do itself.”

“I can hope,” Speed said, falling into step with Horatio.

“The day that the paperwork does itself is the day that we are going to have to worry about our sanity,” Horatio said.

“After we thank it for being done,” Speed said. “You have to have your priorities straight, Horatio. Paperwork that does itself is more important than sanity.”

“Speed, you’re very weird,” Horatio said.

“Yeah, I am,” Speed said. “So, dinner tonight, and no being mad at Mac for calling me about this. The man is worried about you.”

Horatio nodded. “I know he is. I’m trying, Tim.”

“We know you are, and it can’t be easy. That’s one reason we’re going to talk, Horatio. So you don’t have to.”


End file.
